It's official.
Bugs are vengeful.
As was proven by a particularly huge, stubborn fly with dull wings. When it kept flying above my monitor screen, probably looking for directions, being a nice, kindly lady I am, I threw the street directory at it. After all, living in Singapore, the bug has a 99% chancee of being literate.
Feeling immeasureably offended at being so rudely welcomed by a torpeding Street Directory, it probably imprinted my face, bathed in the soft light of the monitor screen into the deep, black recesses of its buggy heart.
Following the saying, 'all brawn and no brain', it flew around me, probably trying to demonstrate its strength by rustling its wings threateningly near my ear. No luck. I waved it off with an annoyed "Fuck off lah."
Offended at being ignored so, it upped its plan to phase two of gaining revenged on the Human: it flew straight at me. In a move worthy of martial arts flick, I whacked it away with a swish of my long, silky hair (the horse tail technique!). Sure enough, it flew away. But it wasn't discouraged for long.
It flew around me in dizzying circles, probably trying to bug (haha, unfunny pun) me to death, before deciding to land on my table. Really pissed off, I swept it off the desk, found a nice, huge red ring file, and brought it down to the confused, stunned thing, fluttering its wings nervously.
The last thing it probably saw was a bold colour with a solid feel, squeezing the life and blinding it.
BAM.
I lifted the file up and peered at it. Hm. Looks kinda squashed. Oh well, wouldn't hurt to hit once more, just in case.
WHAM.
It looks kinda alive...of well let's do it again! For annoying me, you stupid shallowest thickskin o that barren sort!
BAM BAM BAM BAM.
By then, its former slim, angular body is now reduced to a porridge of buggy innards and the powdery stuff bugs have under their wings.
*
The moral of the story is to never attack a hormonal teenage girl with heavy files or textbooks within reach. And to never annoy said girl, or you'll end up as a pile of buggy ashes under the wheels of my office chair.
