It's official.
Bugs are vengeful.
As was proven by a particularly huge, stubborn fly with dull wings. When it kept flying above my monitor screen, probably looking for directions, being a nice, kindly lady I am, I threw the street directory at it. After all, living in Singapore, the bug has a 99% chancee of being literate.
Feeling immeasureably offended at being so rudely welcomed by a torpeding Street Directory, it probably imprinted my face, bathed in the soft light of the monitor screen into the deep, black recesses of its buggy heart.
Following the saying, 'all brawn and no brain', it flew around me, probably trying to demonstrate its strength by rustling its wings threateningly near my ear. No luck. I waved it off with an annoyed "Fuck off lah."
Offended at being ignored so, it upped its plan to phase two of gaining revenged on the Human: it flew straight at me. In a move worthy of martial arts flick, I whacked it away with a swish of my long, silky hair (the horse tail technique!). Sure enough, it flew away. But it wasn't discouraged for long.
It flew around me in dizzying circles, probably trying to bug (haha, unfunny pun) me to death, before deciding to land on my table. Really pissed off, I swept it off the desk, found a nice, huge red ring file, and brought it down to the confused, stunned thing, fluttering its wings nervously.
The last thing it probably saw was a bold colour with a solid feel, squeezing the life and blinding it.
BAM.
I lifted the file up and peered at it. Hm. Looks kinda squashed. Oh well, wouldn't hurt to hit once more, just in case.
WHAM.
It looks kinda alive...of well let's do it again! For annoying me, you stupid shallowest thickskin o that barren sort!
BAM BAM BAM BAM.
By then, its former slim, angular body is now reduced to a porridge of buggy innards and the powdery stuff bugs have under their wings.
*
The moral of the story is to never attack a hormonal teenage girl with heavy files or textbooks within reach. And to never annoy said girl, or you'll end up as a pile of buggy ashes under the wheels of my office chair.
Somehow, the necessary duty has dragged on from March to the start of a spanking new April, and it is on this rather wet and dull grey evening I sit here nursing an essay and writing a headache.
Wait, that was wrong somehow. I'll get back to it later.
How the heck am I supposed to write a 1200 word story? So far I've been doing vignettes, and I'm not sure how far I can go without my normal style (I doubt the judges will appreciate a metaphor-laden story full of complicated sentence structure and complicated ideas).
Here are the terrible ten:
1. What technological invention(s) would most improve life in your community?
I'm thinking a strap-on rich humanoid boy/girlfriend. Comes with ATM (limitless cash withdrawals), sex (if necessary), an AK-47 (for shooting stray Edwards and fangirls on the loose) as well as numerous other downloadable applications, all available on the iPartner server.
2. The mad scientist.
Ah. This one...so full of possibilities it's giving me a headache. I could have him go mad with ambition, I could have her as a lonely girl wanting to have companionship, but unable to, only busying herelf in her lab to fill up the loneliness, I could have a person who's in stasis for one thousand years, then go about his business partially decomposed...hey this could be interesting, if Hitler had been able to make use of Science and put a stasis thingy over himself...
3. What positive steps can you or I start to take to tackle climate change?
I could stop thinking about this question. This saves the environment five packs of instant coffee, ten hours of electrical power (on the net), innumerable candy wrappers and junk food, as well as less soap being washed down a forgotten canal in dunnowhere, in case there's a leak in drainage and the chemicals poison our groundwater.
Whatever. Refer to geography textbook.
4. The day the computer started misbehaving.
... it turned into the male version of Lolita and we started having flirtarious banters, as well as kinky _ _ _
I bet you were thinking
sex, you pervert.
5. "Science never solves a problem without creating ten more." (George Bernard Shaw)
Isn't this the guy who created the nuclear bomb?
Change 'Science' to 'religion', and you've got a 10,000 worder coming right up on Disney Channel. *Merry chime plays*
6. An adventure in space.
LET'S HAVE CRAZY MASS MURDERERS IN SPACE AND DEAD BODIES FLOATING AROUND!
Since there's no gravity, no hmidity or pathogens, I guess those carcasses wouldn't decompose...Hmm I wonder what will happen to the blood? Is it possible to bleed to death there? Would your blood float?
EPIC AWESOME IMAGE MAN.
7. What is knowledge? Who owns it? How can it best be taught or transmitted?
Rowena Ravenclaw FTW! Taught through diffision of knowledge particles through the partially permeable membrane, where it combines reversibly with haemoglobin to form knohaemoglobin. The heart will transport knohaemoglobin to knowledge-starved parts of the brain. At this stage, knohaemoglobain will then diffuse from the blood into the brain, and by thus, by association with smart people, we become smart.
8. A 'eureka' moment.
WHOOPIE I FOUND MY E MATH ASSIGNMENTS! *files it in happily*
9. Is your generation wiser than your grandparents' generation?
What an impertinent question.
10. Welcome to my Utopia!
No one speaks Chinese, religion is a myth, Chinese currency is
f
a
l
l
i
n
g
and Physics and Additional Mathematics are non-examinable subjects! (applauds)
Writers get premium status in society, and luck shines on only ME! YAY MEMEMEMEMEME
In my utopia people who annoy me will be sent to gas chambers.
