Hesitate
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
This poem( unrhymed, probably no metaphors at all, or any poetic devices) just came to mind. I had to type it out, and if I come back later to re-read it and don't run away trying to gouge my eyes out at its awfulness, then maybe I'll keep it.
Conversation
The syllables trip and twist inside
My tongue in the burst of phallic breath
And sound. Letters run by, the trickling
Of milk past the edge, parachuting
Down to meet the ground in a full-
Body slap. It collapses upon
Itself, spills out its grotesque innards
Like a stew of flowery edges
Twirled in abandon, and viciously
Cut, as sound and thought abruptly dies.
P.S. I discovered something new. Press control+n, and you get a new window of the webpage you are at. Forexample, you opened a window plus a few tabs. You browse the web simultaenously through many tabs, and if a tab lags, press control+n, you get a copy of the tab you are browsing. No side-effects whatsoever, it even has a copy of the previous webpages you've visited on that tab, so you can backspace at will.
It's hard to explain, because I'm not good at explaining, so try it out yourself. But I maintain that it's still friggin' cool.
WRTYNYTRW
Twilight
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Yes, twilight is my absolute favourite time of the day. I used to crush on that word when I was primary six. Now don't look at me as if I've grown another head, because that was when I was really young.
I need to do more of 1100 words. Even if I'm feeling freaking lazy.
Anyway, I've read Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. It was surprisingly tolerable, but I found the writing style to be detached, not dreamy, simply weird. The characters were quite 2-D, but that's ok, since it's gonna be a series anyway, so she has plenty of time to flesh them out. Right now, my impression of Edward is not too good.
He seems like a psychotic, sparkly vampiric stalker. (Wow, what a mouthful.) He effin'
sparkles in the sunlight! Unfair. And worst of all, he doesn't drink human blood.
Me is very sad about this.
I had quite disliked Bella from the start, but as a Literature nerd, anyone willing to discuss Shakespeare and his way of putting women in a subservient role and his link to misogyny is to be respected. So is anyone who has read Jane Austen (even if I find her books too heavy and romance-y) and Chauncer.
But I do like some of her lines, and laughing at the characters' expense. Stupid Shiny Volvo Owner, indeed (even if some of the lines sprouted from Edward and the endless purple prose about his eyes are a bit too cheesy). Every time the author launches into how charming Edward is, I just can't stop snickering at the lines. And Bella's antics are...quite stupid. It is as if all action walked from a shoujo manga.
COMPARE AND CONTRAST: TWILIGHT AND RANDOM SHOUJO MANGA
1) Handsome, too-charming male leads
MANGA: Bishounens
BOOK: Edward
2) Kultzy heroine
MANGA: Check.
BOOK: Bella.
3) Incidents where heroine constantly needs saving
MANGA: Multiple times.
BOOK: Let's see: there's the near collision, the biology lab fiasco, the one where a blood-crazed vamp wants to torture her and drink her blood, accosting by random strangers...
4) Women posed as helpless, delicate creatures
MANGA: DUH.
BOOK: A lot more subtle, but have you noticed that Bella is incapable of getting unscathed without Edward's help?
5) Hero pops out of nowhere to save heroine (thus displaying staker-like tendecies, which is seriously unattractive)
MANGA: I bet every shoujo manga has this situation. Unless it's about rape, of course.
BOOK: The accosting by random strangers thing and how he manages to save Bella from being Shredded ex-human, with little to none explanation.
6) Heroine constantly drifts off into lalaland, with longing for her Love.
MANGA: ...
BOOK: She dreams about him, and notices his every move. Enough said. I don't want to launch into the thearatics.
7) Hero has qualities that are too good to be true.
MANGA: He's usually charismatic/good at fighting/good at sports/smart/a combination of a multitude of talents
BOOK: Vampiric traits thta do not even corrspond to the myths, but he doesn't have much vulnerabilities, does he? Good looks, talent...bloody hell he's perfection. Scary perfection.
8) Hero is overprotective.
MANGA: Tick.
BOOK: Tick.
9) Can't think. Will get back with more when I get my copy of New Moon. I wonder how Stephanie Meyers will flesh her characters out. They say Breaking Dawn is like an awful piece of fanfiction. Yikes.
Prove me wrong, Stephanie Meyer, and I shall...er...tribute a fanfiction?
LOL.
WRTYNYTRW
Clearance
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Y'know, at every end of season there's a sale right?
Yeah. Any way, not to be random, but if you want to judge a person on their neatness, you should look at how they keep their files.
Particularly writers.
It's been so long since I've actually had to free up space on my files (I mean to computer ones, I couldn't be bothered with the paper ones) and I'm shocked the the junk accumulated in it. They mostly comprise of half-written or started projects which I did one one merry day, saved it, and proceed to forget about.
I am so pathetic, I can't even bring myself to delete a single file, even if it is the epitome of bad writing.
You want an example?
Wait...lemme dig.
AH! I found it! Here's a solitary stanza left alone since...November 26 2007. My God, that's nearly one year. It goes by the lovely name that sums it up: newpoem. Nope, not kidding.
Now let's look at the contents. Be prepared for nausea, disgust, self-inflicted injuries, phsycological trauma and profanities flying from your mouth as you curse this poem.
What was new, is now old
Fire’s passion long gone cold
Smiling we met,
scowling we depart
One whole with separate hearts
What's wrong:
1) CLICHES ABOUND!!!!
2) Really bad rhyme. Predictable.
3) No punctuation. Seriously, was I trying to emulate T.S. Elliot's writing style?
4) No poetic devices save for rhyme
5) Grammar
6) No flow?
7) I don't think I want to continue for fear of pulverising my already fragile ego.
8) Fcking exaggerations.
That's why I don't dare to write poetry anymore....
THAT'S IT. DELETE IT, CHANEL.
*finger clicks on file*
*poises on the DELETE button*
*hesitates*
...
*bursts out into tears*
I CAN'T WATCH!!!
Must...look...away...
*deletes it anyway*
My heart aches alot. It is as if I have lost a dear friend of mind to the mindless, mechanical evil thing of doom called the delete button. Farewell, my comrade! May we never meet in inspiration again lest I have to send you to your demise!
What a load of melodrama over deleting a file. I still have 471 files and 40 folders to go through.
Sigh. One day one file. It's too painful. I shall eat chocolate and procrastinate.
WRTYNYTRW
2 Harmony (continued)
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Yup I'm back with the boys to go. It's really funny how time passes so quickly, and how something which appears to be infinite is actually so fragile.
My aunt died this morning.
I don't know what to say. For once I am at a complete loss of words. I don't know, I don't feel sad, I feel a strange sense of detachment.
I don't know, ok? Do you know the guilt you feel when someone who is supposed to be family yet you don't know them very well and they die and you know sorrow is supposed to be hanging over your eyes like a film of slime but you don't feel anything? They say detachment isn't a gift, and frankly I prefer it this way as compared to feeling something.
I realise that what I write comes true. Odd coincidence, no?
You never cried at their funeral, hell you’ve never attended. No last word, no goodbyes, no flowers left on the crematorium jar. Your conscience weeps for you as it tears your mind apart.
- I’m busy, you said. No time for
Funerals. -
-Cry In The Rain (vignettes)
Nevermind. Before I deviate, let's get on with the guys. This is going to be succinct, because I hardly know any of you. I know that self-image is now considerably important to guys, and a tip that you al should really consider is, no matter whether you have BO or not (which most of you have, I'm not gonna say who, other girls will agree with me)
PLEASE wear deodorant unless you want to smell like you haven't bathed in one year. Smelling pleasant in important to create good impressions, you know.
22.
Hong KaiYou are really quite quiet, but you really love the flute. Yay fellow flautist! I can tell that you like the instrument for you kept blowing into pen caps, improving your embouchure. You say it is boredom, I say it's dedication. You claim to be a loner, but look around you, you are surrounded by people with warm hearts. Never be afraid to open your heart and accept others. Remember: It is not others who want to alienate you, rather it is you who refuse to open your heart and let them in. Don't do anything you regret.
23.
Mon HsienAnother quiet guy. Sigh. They say you are preverse, but frankly I can't see that side of you. No offense but you always came across as a gentle, good-humoured person who loves reading Stephen King. I've read your essays, and I think your command of English is relatively strong. Learn to build up your paragraphs for a better essay. I remeber during Chinese drama class last year we had the pleasure of having you in our group during one activity, and you cooperated willingly without much fuss.
24.
Po YangYou know, if you looked more masculine you'l be a perfect bishounen. And it's a compliment. You are a very obliging person (considering how you consentd to dress up as a girl in last year's chinese drama night) and are a dependable person in your social group. I think that you are well-loved by friends. Don't worry about being called sissy, ok? Men nowadays are insensitive chavunistic pigs, so it's good you're mild. Besides, mildness is appreciated in the progressive modern man. You work well with others, so continue and enjoy doing so. I'll miss you and your antics next year.
25
. Gao XiangYou are really very argumentative and competitive, despite the fact that you aren't good in English, you enthusiastically participate in debates. I can tell that you are very passionate about your country, and you are proud of your identity. Oh, and please don't stuff your wallet at the back pocket where it's clearly visible, it makes me get itchy-handed and want to pickpocket xD. Thanks for not flaring up at me when I attempted to sneak your wallet up =D.
26.
Xian WeiAnother difficult one. Uhm...wait lemme think...
Ok. Xian Wei, though you like to groom yourself and make sure you look your best (considering how you kept shaking your head like a dog in class to create the windswept look) I suggest that, to enhance your charm, maybe you should consider your choice of fragrance. You are a loyal friend (and a rather sensitive and emotional one too, from what you say on your blog) and you really care for your friends. Do have more confidence in yourself and refrain from howling 'Sure fail one!' at the end of every test. Because if you are convinced you will fail, trust me, you will. Try saying, 'Sure pass one!' next time, and you will feel motivated to study(works for me anyway).
27.
LarryBloody hell, when did you grow so tall? I feel kinda insulted now that I am shorter than all of you T.T I don't know you very well, but you seem to be overemotional. Rein in your emotions, and be self-assured. I think that you have matured over the past year. Er, good luck in the future.
28.
Ning FengYou're really direct. Do control yourself sometimes, because what seems to be funny to you may not be funny to toehrs. However, you really are amusing, especially when you deliberately read an English passage in a certain manner. Happily, we share a mutual understanding of THE beloved sheep. You are really trying hard at English (and that vocab assessment book of yours was...ahem), and your arguments are good, just try not to repeat your points over and over again in an essay. I crown you the king of foul language, because ever since Sec one when I and HuiTing sat behind you, I learnt a plethora of chinese fould words. I would never have been exposed to them without you, hence you have my gratitude. Now I have a wider vocab =D
...Is that supposed to be a good thing for a girl?
Who cares. I'm not gonna live by society's rules. IN YOUR FACE, SOCIETY! Moving on.
29.
Xiao ChenAnother walking Chinese dictionary. I have a request: can I have your fluent command of Chinese? I really really want it...especially how the words seem to roll of your tongue. I don't know why, but my tongue just seems to butcher the words. You seem to be more down-to-earth than Ning Feng, that's why you make a great pair (of friends) I suppose, because opposites attract. lol.
30.
Jin WeeSorry, I really don't know you. You stick to yourself and have very few friends save the company of the guys from China. You might want to lose the crew cut though-- it looks like you entered a concentration camp. You give me the impression that you are the devil-may-care type.
Sorry I really don't know what to say.
31.
Jun YanYou are really very friendly and helpful. Thanks for helping me sort out the English files and attempting to teach me some Japanese. I'm about as intelligent as a wooden block when it comes to Japanese grammar though. You are really quite intelligent, considering how you consistently perform well. I really admire your doggedness in clearing up misunderstandings and defending your friend. Lawyer's letter, eh? Do consider taking up law -- we'll see each other at NUS then. Then I can compete with you to see who earns the most $$! Yay.
32. Javier
HA-vier! I didn't know that it was pronounced that way until Mrs Ho showed us the video. Like JoJoba oil liddat. Affectionately nicknamed 'Chrysanthemum' by class!(Onions you know why right?)
Lemme get this off my chest first:
JAVIER YOU GREAT INSUFFERABLE PRICK! HOW CAN YOU THROW SOMETHING AT A GIRL'S CHEST?! (Yes I still remember that incident ok?)
Ok lah don't dwel on unhappy incidents if not then I will need another voodoo doll. And scowling is bad for the complexion.
I admit I had a bad impression of you at first, and was already imagining you dangling by the thumbs to a very painful death, but then (luckily for you) I discovered that you had a great sense of humour. I like people with a sense of humour =D. They are better then people who behave with a stick up their arse. Anyway, it was really sweet of you to write individual messages to the whole class, and it made me feel guilty (dunno why) so I had to write this. Your attitude is really discouraging to people who want to know you, but I'm sure you're a nice person to be around. You seem to be forgiving and a source of comfort and encouragement to your friends.
33. Nigel
IDKY. Well, you are really passionate about music and singing, and your spoken English is good. However you are really quite reticent. You seem to be the morose teen, but cheer up, the world isn't against you. Enjoy life to the fullest and don't dwell on unhappy things ok?
34. Zi Han
I have no friggin' idea why my girl friends seem to think that we are a good match *rolls eyes* but we aren't, because it's a bloody recepie for disaster, and pigs would fly and hell would freeze over. But then again it would have been interesting (I'm referring to hell freezing over, mind you). You are like Javier, really good sense of humour. You have the potential for leadership. (Yes, I realise now I'm taking the backseat to observe everyone, because being in second place means that you can see the political workings.) Thank you for being so thoughtful and delivering handwritten notes to the whole class (hand written! *pang of guilt*). I know that this is a pale imitation of what you slogged over. Anyway, thank you for helping me in IT club, even though we didn't really talk a lot or interacted much. I guess I will miss you and your deadpan tone (seriously never in my whole life have I met someone who talks in a monotone, like Professor Binns) as well as your heated exclamations of protest during beloved Sheep's lesson. It provided me with a little joy during Chinese lessons to know that at least the sentiment that Chinese is complete and utter drudgery is shared. Angelica will miss you, lol. NOOO ANGELICA DON'T KILL ME!
35. Wei Bo
You seem to be rather mild-mannered. I'm flattered really that you regard me as some sort of saving grace for reference in the Art project (where I had to do analysis for the whole group of guys), but you should try on your own and work harder. Don't be afraid to experiment with English, ok? Just keep trying, and you'll be good at it. I can give you tuition for English in exchange for tuition in Chinese! There, we both benefit, because my chinese really stinks.
36. Kah Yong
You really like football, don't you? When I first visited your blog I was overwhelmed by the many images of soccer players...I didn't read your posts then because I didn't understand zilch about soccer. I admit that IDKY very well, but apparently you aren't the very good-boy type. It's too late to get to know you better as a classmate of friend, though. I must say that you are an interesting character. Do you mind if I use you as reference in future works?
37. Zi Yu
ARRGHH I DUNNO. We just don't communicate. But I'm sure that you do better on sports than studies, because you are always off to some competition during Project Work. Put in the same effort you put at sports in your studies, and I'm sure you'll excel. Do the school proud when you win something, ok? Don't let yourself, or your academic ambitions down too by focusing too much on sports!
38. Timothy
I remember that I was surprised to learn that you were in the top 10 in class last year, because you had the pai-kia look about you. Anyway, cannot judge a book by its cover right? You can achieve much if you are determined to, so jia you.
YES LAST ONE TO GO!
39. Heng Kang
Eh, I dunno what to say about you. Let's just say you have an intersting fashion sense and a way of speaking. Kooky almost. You put in a lot of effort in class, and participate actively. I can't give you tips in scoring well, but I can tell you that if you want ot score well for English, instead of focusing on vocabulary, focus on your grammar. Sometimes a good essay need not be constructed from complicated words, you have to rely on describing and arguments. Enthusiasm is a good thing, but try eo keep it in check when it's not needed, ok? Because being too enthusiastic might repel others. Good luck in your studies.
YES FINISHED. NO NEED FOR PROSE HURRAY BECAUSE MUSE JUST REFUSES TO COOPERATE.
WRTYNYTRW
2 Harmony
Yes, I'm doing a class list! More like a list emulating (correct word?) the lovely people I've had the pleasure of knowing these two years. For majority (yes I'm not gonna lie, majority, so I think I'm not gonna do most of the boys because we've never even talked in the first place...) I'm unfamiliar with, please forgive me...This is my first time where I know I will miss a class, no thanks to the concentration camp they call primary school. So yup, be HONOURED and HAPPY.
And I'm sorry if I came off as being rude or insensitive, or downright harsh and bitchy, but I assure you it's all unintentional. I know I am way to direct sometimes, and I speak before I think. So sorry to those whom I have slighted, and don't kill me.
Note: for friends please look at the entry below.
4.
ClaireneI don't know you very well, but you seem to be rather tolerant (yeah I remember in sec one I was always tardy in handing in homework but you always appeared calm). Now that I know the frustrations of being an English Rep, I appreciate the patience you show, because I know that I won't be half what you are (because I feel like murdering people who hand in their essays in dribs and drabs such that I HAVE TO CLIMB BLOODY FLIGHTS OF STAIRS FOR THEM). You seem to be jovial and very much a social butterfly within your circle of friends, because you are always smiling with them....you enjoy their company.
5. XinhuiYou are a cheerful and loyal person. Despite being good in academic pursuits, you aren't a nerd -- you are still quite frivolous with your talk and jokes. I can see how dedicated you are as a friend as you show a lot of care and concern for them, especially Gloria. I'd always thought you were reticent, but lately I've noticed that you are very laid-back and relaxed at a person. People are drawn to this trait of yours, especially your gift to make people feel at ease and make easy conversation. I admit your facial expressions are quite entertaining.
6.
SharonYes, I know you will not read this but I shall be 100% honest (but then again, when was I not?)
You are a friendly person, and one has to admire your determination and courage to live on and carry on normally despite being the 'outcast'. I've never seen you depressed or crying due to our treatment towards you. In some ways you remind me of Tillie from Man In the Moon Marigolds --persevering and strong. I remember in Sec one we rode a bus together and complained about the beloved sheep, but then again our...relationship was not meant to be (urgh, how cliched). All I have to say is that you have to learn not to talk about yourself all the time and be affectionate too soon. Knowing someone for a week or two is not an excuse to wrap an arm around someone like a best friend. Especially so for me, because I don't like being hugged (or giving hugs) to strangers.
7. Vivian
You are a generous person and are not reluctant to spend money on behalf of your friends. However (though that is a good thing in Singaporeans, because we are commonly lauded as being too STINGY), you should be careful of how you spend your money. I understand that spending on your friends is a way of showing your love, but there are other ways to do it (e.g. giving a hug, reassuring them, spending time with them). Just don't overdo it, or they'll feel suppressed. You are a nice person to be around with, and I find your opinions about the apocalypse interesting. It's kinda sad we don't have much in common to talk about though.
9. Shukkan
You are a passionate person, as well as a loyal friend (to those who know you). I can tell that you are very affable and tolerant (how you can handle swamped with last-minute handing in of Math Worksheets and Mr. T, I will never know). You are friendly and...kind (urgh the k-word I hate the k word) because you really pay attention to others, even if you don't know them very well. Thanks for voting earlier(=
10. Tian Yi
You are really very lovable, both as a big sister and a little sister. We didn't really interact much, but you have a charming personality, as well as beauty. I find your mirror-gazing and constant grooming endearing. Normally I find vain people to be vapid and boring, (as well as bitchy and unreasonable) bu I find you to be very compassionate and intelligent (percentage of 71%, huh?). Your gift is being able to find beauty in everyone, including Sharon. You are a very emotional person, and though your frame is small, it surprises one to know that your voice can be pretty loud. Although you're older, you fit in so perfectly with the rest of the class that nationality and age is forgotten. For once, I didn't mind being called 'cute' by someone. You are just charming in that way. Have more confidence in yourself, okay?
11. Gloria
You are diligent and meticulous in your work. I admire you constantly taking effort to help the class (whether in volleyball or the bian*3 script) and do stuff for us so we won't be embarrassed. You've done so many things for the class, it's almost normal to expect it as you are reliable. You never fail to lead the class. My competitor in English (and humanities)! We seem to share an affinity in doing as badly for Chinese (and that's a good thing). I will miss competing with you and working together on the bian*3 thing. Thanks for listening to my suggestions!
12. Sze Min
You are a spirited and optimistic girl. I can see that you are a good Christian and have great faith in friends. You enjoy life to the fullest, and that is what I admire about you. Your spirit draws people close to you, and your laid back view of life, as well as your determination when you pursuit a goal, whether in a singing competition or others, helps you to make friends from all walks of life.
13. Xinzi
Y ou are very opinionated and strong willed, so much so that I think you can go into politics as you have a flair for arguing (rapidly in chinese). Like TianYi, you blend in so well in the class that I forget that you are older than us. You have a discerning eye for fashion and are (a little) vain. You aren't hesitant with your choice of words when it comes to scolding people, and I must say, as a sadistic messed-up person I am, I derive amusement from it. I find your chinese-accented english to be refreshing.
14. Pearl
Do you know that your name sounds very gentle? When you say 'Pearl', an elegant, soft spoken lady comes to mind. Unfortunately (to your credit) you aren't. You are very tomboy and playful, as well as mischievous, constantly playing pranks on your friends. You are a great person to be around, as well as a pillar of support for your friends. I understand that you have your own vulnerabilities, but you appear so strong that sometimes people forget themselves. I will miss your voice speaking out for the class, being cheeky to the teachers.
15. Yan Zhan
You are the spirit of the class as your enthusiasm fuels us and pushes us to get off our lazy deterrires and actually do something. You are very passionate, yet you are emotionally insecure. Relax, Yan Zhan, you will do well in the future. Just have a little confidence in yourself, as well as your friends. I know you feel a very strong bond to the class, but like I said, being 'bonded' does not mean we have to breathe as one, be all happy and merry with each other --disputes will occur. That is reality, and what you're hoping for is an idealistic situation. You enjoy being with people and building relationships. I admire your perseverance to bring the class together, and the tears you've shed has touched me. Thank you for being the source of inspiration for some of my works.
17. Jeanette
Frankly IDK what to say about you, because we are really not close, but I feel that you are also a responsible and gracious person (wlao why is this class filled with nice people? It makes my inferiority complex flare up!) Thanks for helping me out when I had THAT stain, and offerig to cover for me even if we were no more than strangers.
20. Zhi Qi
Eh at this point our relationship is kinda fuzzy...I don't know whether to say we are friends or classmates, but you are responsible, reserved (another responsible person, ARGH) and really cute. The way you write notices on the board reminding us to hand up one thing or another is really uniquely yours, I don't know how to put it nay other way, and I know this is grammatically wrong. Anyway, the way your face lights up when you talk about something you like is really winsome. It kinda reminds me of a little girl talking about her dolls to her best friends. You are really good at telling stories, and the way you describe movies you've watched is like reading a particularly entertaining sotry. You really have the potential to be a great storyteller, enrapturing kids. I will miss you and your pratical ways, as well as your stories. Never have I met another person who is so apt at re-telling a story.
21. Zi Qin
You are a really noisy person. Your lung capacity is really big (blow french horn summore, so cool) so I guess that's why you have such a loud voice. You are also very adorable (especially during our last day, where you went down the row and asked people whether they had the goft from ACC teacher, if they had you'll say 'I hate you.', if they didn't you'll say 'I love you'.) You are very raw in your feelings, and are generally genial. My fellow 'bloodsucker' (you know what I mean, *winkwink*). See you at NUS, law ok? Must work hard so we can meet there and be made partner!
On a sidenote, bloody hell there are so many alliterations in this text. Can you spot them?
Argh Dowan so the boys liao. I'm gonna shower and eat lunch first.
WRTYNYTRW
Missing you guys
Friday, October 24, 2008
It just came to me that I have finished 2 years of education and mischief with the Onions. (Even though I loathe the vegetable).
Though we didn't really 'bond' the way others in the class wanted it - we were too different- we did share a subtle bond, a common pride. Why do you think Singaporeans feel a bond to Singapore? It's not specified that we must love each other and be happy forever as disputes are still rampant. What makes the bond unique is that we were all in one class and have good memories of it, we worked together (or slacked) got punished and scolded together (is that supposed to be a good thing) and harboured the (nearly) same grudge towards a certain beloved sheep.
You know what I mean.
Anyway, despite me moaning about how much I regretted coming to Chung Cheng ("A CHEENA SCHOOL! WHAT FRAME OF MIND WAS I IN THEN TO GO TO A CHINESE SCHOOL WHERE CHINESE IS SPOKEN ALMOST 24/7?!" I howled to my friends countless times.) I never regretted the change of fate, because I would just be a reticent and anal retentive vicious bitch with no social life at all.
You guys helped to change me (more than you think, I know that I definitely had some impact on you, eh Wei Qi? Blood, vampires, yes?) and helped alleviate my self-hatred and my tendency to be TOO direct. I still am, and I won't withhold my words, but I'll try for some control on commenting on people's attire on the bus.
Anyway, here are these people who I know I will miss next year (if we won't be in the same class):
Benign Brenice VAMPIRE KNIGHT ROCKS!!! YAY FOR WAKESHIMA KANON! Manga and anime rule!
And reading too. Thanks for the times where I can finally discuss enthusiastically about vampired without flinching at my glee of blood, murder and gore. I know I have dark humour. And your hair was fun to play with.
Sanguine SheilaI notice that you're smiling most of the time. I also note that whenever we talk, it's mostly disgusting jokes (like SHIT, lol) and illogical sequence of events. Always optimistic and quick to play pranks on other people. You are like the quiet one in the group, never talking much during conversations, but when you do... well they aren't very innocent. Great comrade in mischief and acting!~
Whimsical Wei QiShe's unpredictable and a whirlwind of emotions and enthusiasm (Twilight?). She's a good friend and will always be there for you. Happily not one to shy from my sadistic tendencies (Happy Tree Friends! God I love the game. Try to beat my highscore in the other one!) She can keep up with me on political happenings and financial systems! No-one really dares to impede our conversation when we're debating. Oh, did I mention she's a fellow Lit-lover? (YES ENGLISH LITERATURE ALL THE WAY WOO!) She also behaves like an older sister. I remember in Secondary One she kept asking me to finish my food and soup...=.="
____ KaitingI'll get back to you when I find an adjective. I realise that there's not much words in English that start with a 'k'...except for 'kind', which I REFUSE TO USE...
What 'bout 'kooky'? (Note: Kooky= strange person with interesting strange habits/appearance)
Okok...knucklehead? JUST JOKING!!!Know-all? Not really...Klutzy? You don't really move awkwardly, nor are you stupid, so I guess it's out...
Forget it. I'm going to alliterate with the 'ting'.
Hence, let's welcome....
Thoughtful Kai TingShe is thoughtful. Yep. She's also annoyingly tall and is very mischievous. Not a very good person to talk English lit with though. She is very graceful in eating, so graceful that any etiquette teacher would be crying tears of admiration. However, this hampers her speed in eating. But she's easy to talk with in emotions (therefore bringing me Inspiration when my darling Muse is god-knows-where.)
Hentai HuitingYes you are hentai. *sniggers* You know so much about defaecation its quite laughable, but not when we are eating. We humbly thank you for your recounting misadventures in the forest, but as much as we appreciate it, all appreciation is gone when we are EATING.
..I don't want to know. Seriously. And what's with the fixation to boobs and butts?
She's the one closest to me, and we are nearly always together. We sit next to each other (And I discovered that her shoulder is bloody comfy during Physics lessons, as compared to leaning my head on the wall and suffering a neck ache.) I still remember the Warning drawing she put on her desk, with an arrow pointing at me, which read 'Monster beside me. Esp. at 6 a.m.'
I wrote 'baka' in hiragana and drew a nice bold arrow pointing at her as revenge.
She draws a lot of manga characters, especially when she's bored. She's a good source of support and a companion. I still remember the time when we played badminton under the trees and someone inadvertently hit it so high it got lodged in the tree leaves. We had to employ Clairene with a volleyball to get it down. XD
She has a good sense of humour and is a great conversational parter, especially with the debates in Secondary One. Unfortunately, she is rather reluctant to proofread for me, and always runs away when I come after her like a maniac, with a draft in hand...
Loads of fun times and sad times, especially during Chinese. My Chinese improved slightly though by sitting next to her. Reason? She's pratically like a walking Chinese dictionary. As a result, we get on well. Balance mah! One good in English, the other in Chinese.
Yes, she looks very pai-kia but she's a great softy. AND NO I DO NOT MEAN THE SANITARY PAD, SOFTY BODYFIT. Anyway she's still rather innocent on the subject of sex. She kept asking me (along with Wei Qi) why I was laughing and pointing to a jar of cream at the joke shop in Parkway that said, 'anti-masturbatory cream'. I think I have corrupted her with my knowledge (yes I am impure in thoughts, I know very well what goes into what and what happens, I don't care actually, I'm fine with smutty books and manga as long as the plot is good and the whole story is not steeped in mushy overtures. I'm not as innocent as you think. Wanna compare torture knowledge?)
Before this turns into an emotional diatribe, I shall move on to the next quarry.
Chatty Chin YeeShe seems to have a neverending list of topics to talk about. A fellow book-reader and (recent) manga enthusiast. Wahaha I've corrupted all my friends. She also doesn't mind me lasping into my 'Blood! Murder! Gore! YAY!' routine when I'm feeling particularly sadistic (but then again all my friends don't). She the only one that dares to greet me early in the morning, even if I am with a super black face, with meanacing waves of aura growing tentacles and a glint in my eyes threatening to kill a cow with my bare hands.
Thanks for letting me sit next to you because of THAT STUPID COCKROACH WHICH THE INCOMPETENT CLEANERS ARE INEPT AT CLEARING ITS CORPSE.
Yup (=
Here's the end of dedicated friend list. Maybe I shall do a class one too.
Hmm...
WRTYNYTRW
...
Thursday, October 23, 2008
CHANEL, GET OFF YOUR LAZY PRETENTIOUS BUTT RIGHT NOW AND START WORKING ON THE DEDICATION FOR 2 HM!!!
Poetry or prose?
Status: Planning in progress...
Must...repay...years of friendship...
I admit that it was sweet yet saddening for Zi Han to hand out those handwritten cards to every single person in the class...he made me feel guilty and insufficient (criticizing voice in me: bad handwriting, lazy bum!)
Argghhh. I don't know why but I was assailed by guilt, and I decided that I die die must write something!!!
Slacking in progress, I haven't thought up of anything to write, muse is out of contact with me AGAIN despite her questionable cooperation during exams (O Muse, you JUST have to come out when it's inconvenient! First it was when I was dead tired and ready to sleep, followed by shampooing in the shower, and now during the exam period...)
Greek Goddesses are cruel.
Poetry or prose???
I think I should dedicate my last poem to 2HM because I'm out of practice and I don't feel like writing anymore due to my obssession with prose.
Urrgh.
PEOPLE, PROMPT ME. I NEED PROMPTS.
WRTYNYTRW
YAY!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Today I wore my name tag upside-down for fun.
Seriously. I was sitting in the classroom when I decided to reverse the direction it was pinned and find out how many people noticed, to the condescension of Chin Yee and Wei Qi who shared a 'diao' look. Chin Yee even suggested that I wear my school badge upside down, but I decided that it would look too obvious.
I've always wondered how it would feel like during the exam period, and I finally fulfilled my wish! Amazing what ideas boredom and overworked brain cells can give you. No wonder Einstein and Beethoven were never quite right in the head.
I bet no one noticed. Meh. No one really notices my appearance anyway. I bet even if I went ahead to Korea and had a nose surgery/ lip fillers/made my eyes bigger/ went for lasik no one would notice. Which is wonderful. I wonder if I can rebond my hair soon...?
On a sidenote, my hair is dry. Really dry even after the olive oil and treatment. Perhaps I should just get those salon shampoos to prevent my hair from looking like the cleaner's rake (which, if you haven't noticed, has frayed ends and misshapen bristles sprawling out like a lazy starfish with one too many legs).
WRTYNYTRW
Streaming
Sunday, October 19, 2008
That's it.
In 28 hours my fate will be sealed. This is the turning point: Whether I will go into law or healthcare in the future.
Now I see classmates stressing about their subject combinations. I suppose I should feel anxious, but for me, it's the calm before the storm.
I've decided that I will go for 9 subject combi as my first choice. Nevermind the Geography elective and my vows to drop it after suffering through this year. It buys me more time to analyse the direction I'm heading and my strengths, as well as my weaknesses.
My six choices:
1) 9S3H2E
2) 8S3H1G
3)8S2PH2GE
4)8S2PH2HE
5)8S3H1H
6) Flip the coin and pick one that does not have C lit because I will die in that combi.
You notice that my second choice does not have English literature.
I decided that I have to stick with whichever is most practical for my future, nevermind if I don't like it. It's the best option so far, with good chances of parrying with like-minded classmates and expanding my ambition. Even if I have to kiss goodbye to my lawyer ambition.
You know, if there's one thing more saddening than not living up to your goal, it's not being able to live up to your ambition. Knowing you have the means to succeed it yet helplessly watching it being torn by pride and the cruel claws of life. It's accepted that Sciences are the way to go, the acceptance into jobs. Heck, people even determine one's intellectual capacity by the number of science courses you take.
I really don't know. I'm stuck between English lit and Science. Between obscurity and pure ambition and pride. Between passion and the rules society determines.
Shall I put the lit combination first? What am I risking? I know the lit combination is not exactly full of eminent people, and I know that it is not so popular, as well as being thought of as a safety net. Either way I don't get to enjoy my passions. I'm either stuck with a bunch of people who adhere to theories without asking why and unwilling to delve between lines of the implied and the shown, or with a bunch of people who think longingly of the subject combination they'd rather be in, not wanting to put in any effort because they believe that they are in the worst class.
What am I really seeking? Besides, intelligence does nto necesarily determine our success in life. Sure, we get top-notch jibs in a competitive market, which is rather pointless in the first place. Now, it's not the question of jintelligence, it's the question of how well-rounded you are. They expect an alien, a complete mirage of perfection to appear before their eyes. Compassionate, intelligent, and possibly beautiful. Are they looking for a human version of God?
I really tired of life right now. I hate the sruggling to find ourselves and the visions of reality. I hate the materialistic tenddencies and the climb to the top. I hate the clawing and back-stabbing I know I will have to do in the near future to remain at the top.
It's ture you know: Chinese drama series do represent some part of reality. No matter how screwed-up they are, it does represent our lives. Are you, by any chance, related to someone sick and dying in the hospital now? Is there anyone in your family shattered by love? Dramas are a representation of who we are, our emotions and perspectives as well as our ambition. Our need to exaggerate and tell long tales so we'll be remembered. Our instinct to survive.
The little things we've been through: The Minor PSLE, now followed by streaming. It's getting harder to fly without injuring your wings. What would it be like in society? I don't want to know. I don't want to spend days worrying about taxes and income, as well as profits and debts. I don't want my emotions to fluctuate with the stock market. I don't want to worry about my job and the world. I don't want ot be tied down with a chain at my neck like a slaughtered chicken with a family. I don't want other wretched humans to come near me, yet I need them in order to survive.
The ecology theory thus comes into play: No organism is ever independent. The organisms in a community live interdependently on one another.
It's the survival of the fittest: Animalistic, almost bestial. We claim to have souls which differentiates us from animals, but at the end of the day I believe them souls to be nothing but empty whispers and smoke from the ashes. We can't look out for one another all the time. If you think otherwise, my dear naive child, you are in a bed of roses. People are more likely to scatter and harm each other in order to survive, and I believe that it is our survival instinct that will lead all of us to perish one day. In times of desperation, there are no morals. We see what we do as perfecly justified, the hypocrites we are, who condemn a person for stealing and kidnapping to feed themselves and their family when we are living in good times.
A million years of evolution, and we are the same. Animals.
WRTYNYTRW
Breaking Dawn, Breaking Brains
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Warning: contains spoilers about Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer. Content not suitable for fans.
Copyright of ~shinga on deviantart WAHAHAHAHA.
I agree man! Stephanie Meyer's books (judging by the first chapter which I promptly abandoned after a few paragraphs) was like a mediocre fanfiction.
Edward is like a stalker and Bella seems to be the damsel in distress which constantly needs saving. And the plot is....
I shall not finish the sentence.
Seriously, is the book that good? I might persevere to finish Twilight (which I am currently trying to borrow) but judging by the disparaging first chapter...
'written by a 12-year-old fangirl with no idea of how real relationships work. '
Well said, deviant, well said.
I think it's better off as a shoujo manga (as everyone knows that shoujo manga is just pointless fluff with little to no plot and characters can just fall in love and consummate their love within 24 hours of meeting, get married and paturient with spawn).
Romance should be a restricted material because you get addicted to it and false hope arises and bad writing starts thus leading to illusions and lying to yourself and other physchological problems which will lead to more girls starving themselves for prince charming and boost rates of rape as well as the downfall of women.
But I still love my vampires. Blood must be appetizing or interesting to the taste buds.
And since they are the undead, that means no sickness or fat, and good looks, as well as an aversion to religion (an excuse not to go to church) and a wonderful tool to coerce people into your will ("If you don't do what I say -points to fangs- you will be my next meal and I will drain you dry!")
Life as a vampire must be wonderful.
WRTYNYTRW
LOL
Did you know...
There's actually a pinot(?) noir called 'Fat bastard'?
No, I'm not kidding.
It's a french wine, and apparently it's the bestseller in US.
See? I told you so (even if it's Chardonnay, a completely diffferent type of wine) ! Image courtesy of Google.
Yes! Now I can insult peolple and say it's a compliment because it's the name of a best-selling wine in the US.
HAPPYHAPPY.
Oh, and Kah Yong, I think I know what you are referring to when you chuckled (a better word choice for men, girls giggle, boys chuckle) I was saying that people should mediate and find your inner calm.
And you do look like a bishounen without glasses. With mental photoshop in my head.
And in case you are wondering, here are two examples of bishounen...
OMG VAMPIRE KNIGHT!!! Zero and Kaname respectively, from left to right. Vampires...fangs...BLOOD!
Yay blood.
I sound like a rabid fangirl. But don't worry, Kah Yong, you aren't that good looking...
*ducks as a football is sent flying to head* Ok, maybe that wasn't wise, but if I said you were, then it may lead to misconceptions and angry fangirls threatening death. And trust me, angry rabid fangirls aren't a good thing, judging by the ear-piercing 'kyyaa's and the death glares.
Retreat...
WRTYNYTRW
Mind your body
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Did you read the
mind your body article? That rag claimed that traditional men (i.e. men who believe women's place is the household) tended to be richer than modern men. This was fuelled by the farcical assumption that macho men will tend to seek power, both in the workplace as well as in submissive women. To add insult to the injury, the article concluded with a statement about women not dismissing macho men 'we love to hate' as modern men 'may not be as attractive in terms of bank accounts'.
WTBMFH.
In that statement, it reflects the writer's mentality that we women are obviously incapable of earning our own keep, thus we have to depend on men and leech money out of them for our uses.
BAH.
I WILL NEVER EVER MARRY SUCH A CHAUVINISTIC PIG WHO REFUSES ME MY RIGHT TO MY OWN THOUGHTS AS WELL AS EQUALITY IN TERMS OF INTELLIGENCE AND WORKING CAPACITY. If I do, well, all those of you who read this are welcome to turn up at my wedding and stab me repeatedly or pull out my innards for a bloody wedding ring or something.
I am royally pissed off at this assumption. Damnit, if I want money I am gonna earn my own, because my pride and self-respect will not have me eating out of another's hand for money. It's about the same as prostituting yourself, except that it's legal and socially accepted. We women are not helpless livestock to carry your children and tools for sexual gratification! If you want a child that badly, then stop throwing out baby daughters out in the streets or go for surgery to have a womb installed. Then you can do it as much as you want, and bear your own consequences.
It's completely unfair that men with experience of the opposite sex are held in high regard but women with experience are sneered upon. Unfair. I want equality! (It's also unfair to deny a good father an opportunity to care for his child when the mother is incapable. That, and unfair for females to get a lighter penalty on rape than males.)
We live in a partriachal society.
With this, I suppose I cannot be a lawyer, since I will be biased in rape cases and I am way too emotional over the wellbeing of my gender. Sigh in relief, you wife-beater. Vengeance will come!
WRTYNYTRW
Scared
I am really scared that I cabnnot get itno my preferred course. 8lit. The best friggin' stream ever. Though I suppose now History is not an option because of my dismal marks. That's too bad really, because I love History and watching how things unravel.
Guess now I really have to consider Elective Geography as an option. Sigh...so much for my motivation to do really well for it and kick it aside forever. I wasn't lying when I said I did not feel anything for the subject.
I still dom't understand why the triple sciences stream is so popular. I mean, most people go there because it's the best stream. I don't see the point of studying a subject you loathe for two years and consider a future with it. I don't see the point of going to a class because of 'face'. 'Face' is useless in your future.
I learnt that as a bitter lesson after PSLE, when I found that I missed the cut-off point for Dunman High by a few measly points. I had to appeal to CCHMS, much to the aggravation of my (then) friends and classmates who must've thought I was a proud, sarcastic, Beatrice-like person with a stick up her arse. (Admit it. Not in the morning though, I will not be held responsible for foul moods in the morning and anything which may occur.) I suppose, in a strange way it had turned out well, (though getting into a school which focuses too much on CHINESE (ARRGGHHH) was complete and utter HELL and unexpected) for I would not have met all these lovely people in HM and still be a loner by myself, probably clawing at my own hell and considering suicide.
Going to a school because of pride is ridiculous. Imagine what would have happened if I held my head high and appealed to DHS. Yes, I am among the smart(er) [Sorry people from CCHMS who are reading this, don't kill me yet, I want to get my Lit before I die] but I wouldn't be happy at all. I wouldn't be able to develop my talents, I wouldn't be able to sieve out what was important. I would just be another wallflower pushed to the side.
I'll admit it - I didn't try my best for the SA2. I know I'll regret it (yes I did and I'm still mourning my History and Math and Science) but I just didn't. I felt complacent and lazy. However, I wanted to score the best I could because I wanted to show people that I came to the stream because I wanted to, and not because of my marks. I came to follow my passions, not my results. Yes, I suppose, ultimately, I end up following my heart, because the heart is the most honest and true place we dwell in. Even if I am at a disadvantage to others because of dropping a science subject, what matters is thta I am happy. It's useless if you go out flaunting a degree from Cambridge after socially alienating yourself to study, for though your achievement may bring you pride, it won't win you joy or bliss you get from doing work you like. Life would be a chore instead of an activity. Thanks, but no thanks, considering the recession and economic woes, I'd rather be in the middles class and happy than rich and grouchy because of the loss of my ferrari and my Jimmy Choos.
This marks a link to the world of my thoughts. We descend into eventual insanity. I believe I will one day go insane, and the world will end and the sky will some crashing down on us, shattering our lungs and organs into clouds of tissue and cells, our death gasps hooks which tug at the vacuum in space. Someday survivors would find millions of corpses floating in space, and maybe this entry, along with a million others. They'll think of days spent with elctricity and condominiums, they'll think of bright and bustling cities of colours.
WRTYNYTRW
Premonition
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
I swear I have the powers of premonition sometimes.
The day before the English Literature paper, for no reason, I started memorizing facts and details about Owen's Anthem to Doomed Youth. I even looked up the original (Italian, I think) version. I focused mostly on that poem.
I didn't expect it to come out for the exam. Lucky, right?
Then there's history. I had (luckily) gone through the entire textbook the day before, even though I dismissed it as being overly cautious then.
I really didn't expect the MCQ. (Or the abysmal marks for the paper in general. F you Xiaochen score 50 marks, HOW DARE YOU.)
Then there's this prediction about marks during science. Before the science debrief, I was leaning with my chest on the desk-thingy attached to the uncomfortable chairs at the lecture hall, I closed my eyes and the number '60' appeared behind my eyelids.
I paid no heed to it, as I did really well for my Biology paper.
My physics paper came as a sobering experience and shock, for I found that paper the easiest of the lot (and apparently, the easiest to fail if not careful).
Then my chem paper arrived. It was a consecutive number next to my Physics paper, and in ascending order.
I added up the total.
It was really 60+.
At that time, I didn't really react. You see, I am quite calm when this type of things happen. I continue behaving normally. I was quite prepared to cry. And then I suddenly remembered that to get into two pure sciences, the addition of your Math and Sciences marks must add up to 140 (I mistakenly thought it was 150, and asked ZhiQi, and due to my hearing problem, I nearly had a cardiac arrest when I thought I heard 175 to get into triple science).
My face paled. I felt a headache coming back.
I was berating myself for scoring so badly even though I had begun preparation for Science a month before. Then I thought, there is actually no difference to missing the pass by one mark and missing an A1 by one mark. The degree of self-blame and frustration is the same. The sadness and blow to ego is the same. Especially if you are those proud people who hold themselves to high standards. I consider it unfortunate that I am one of those people.
To those who chastise me:
You won't understand my phsycology.
Yes, I am an open person and my emotions are often written on my face. But no one really knows who I am. I hold myself to high standards and expect myself to meet them. The word 'failure' is not associated with me, and is not acceptable. I do not fail in endeavours. Perhaps this is why I am impatient for results.
I go doubly hard on myself than you all do. There's blame and self-hate, as well as guilt. I'm dancing a dance with insanity, I know I am, and it will take very little for me to be pushed off the brink of balance and for me to plunge down, deep down. I am afflicted with paranoia and narcissism, I am also a little bipolar. Yes,
bipolar. The mental disease that affects your emotions and those around you, the disorder where you can both feel happy and sad at the same time, moodswings and all.
I have dreams I sight but never touch, I have nightmares I stumble upon when I was young. Falling off heights, being trapped in a lift. Being chased by an unknown destructive force, full of metal appendages glinting in the sunlight and the crushed skulls of people its armour. I see people I like and know being tortured in my dreams. Friends commiting suicide, their tear-filled faces as they struggle away from me. The apocalypse, where selfishness in people, as well as a need to survive, leads to extinction among the whole species.
No, I am not about to go in a spiel of sel-pity. Because I am stronger than that. And pity is a weakness. Emotion is a weakness, and can be manipulated. I have to harden myself to survive, and work harder.
I wrote 'Cry-in-the-rain' like a premonition, as if I somehow knew what was coming. I am not a prophet. I suppose my writer's sense, my artist, my inner voice just tells me so.
I hope the destruction and anger portrayed in my writin will never come through.
This is one of my brighter pieces of hope. Written during the exams. I know of people who need it more than I do. Please read, and be comforted.
http://linxinpei.deviantart.com/art/Cry-in-the-rain-vignettes-99768068
WRTYNYTRW
YAY.
Monday, October 13, 2008
I didn't do as badly in English as I had suspected. My situational writing was terrible as usual, only scored 19.5/30.
YES, 19.5. OH THE HORROR. Half a mark from getting 20! HALF A MARK!!!!!
Hang on...are those
rocks in the hands of my classmates? WTH, there're even cannons from the china students! RUUNNNN!
Never mind. NIXYI, YOU UNDERSTAND MY PAIN RIGHT?!
My essay was ok. 'Kyya'-ed away (even though due to my handwriting, 'mires' looked like 'mines'). My comprehension was a fiasco though. I was immensly disappointed by my marks. I had dropped from getting 30+ to 20+ *pouts in corner of woe, growing mushrooms from tears and inky black aura drifts over like a swamp*
Le sigh.
I think on overall I got an A2 for the end of year paper, counting 5 marks for corrections. Gang gang hao hit only.
Never mind, I had (sorta) lived up to my goal!
Now, it's lit, math and chinese (jue wang le, jue wang le).
Now going onto Yahoo account to check marks. Palpitating heart. Typos.
OMG I DON'T DARE TO SEE!
Hang on hang on... THERE'S NO MARKS! WTH. Nevermind.
I shouldn't do too badly for Math. Besides, why talk about the results? It's time to play!
Speaking of which, TODAY I BOUGHT A SPANKING NEW HANDBAG from the pasar malam. $19 only.
And it's so friggin' nice, I am going to take it to school tomorrow instead of my usual horrible pink converse bag.
It even has a
crown. Like, the royal crown of Queen Elizabeth. Women in power. I like that. And it's cream, and expresses my want for luxury and spendor (if not for the sparkly fake diamonds). Luxuriant material, with ruffles. Fashionable, and casual with an edge. Stands out.
WHO CARES IF IT'S A FAKE, AND NOT A BRANDED BAG. As long as it looks nice, I don't give a damn.
Sure, it may be a little mature for my age (I am still younger than most of you OLD 14-yrs people...hang on, my birthday passed, so I'm 14...) but my taste in things is always mature. From shoes to acessories to clothes and how I dress, I looks like I'm 16. Which, in my own opinion, is good because hopefully I can sneak into a NC16 show (which has lovely gore scenes and rape and a little porn and whatever 16-year-olds can watch). Plus, people treat you with more respect and reverence if you are older. For example, salespeople are more friendly towards you (especially if you look rich enough to buy their products).
One quibble I have about growing up, aside from responsibilities, is shoes. The (fashionable) shoes we CAN wear at this age are frigging annoying. High heels, ballet shoes, these are UNCOMFORTABLE to walk in and a living torture for your innocent appendages. They spoil easily and you can't run in them, nor can it be used as a weapon (unless you want to stick the heel in an eye of whack a cockroach). It always grasps the toes and puts pressure on it, as well as the back of the heel, with painful welts. So in short, I hate heels and ballete shoes. Why aren't stores selling those nice, comfy, (ex-)fashionable boots?
I love boots. Easy to walk in like normal shoes, no need for socks, good for striding through rain ad mud (unless yours happens to be a cheerful yellow or white leather) easy-put on, easy take off, good for kicking ass, you can run in them, and most importantly, it has the benefits of heels except it is more comfy. (YES, since I am a perpetual shortie, height is of utmost importance to me.)
Speaking of which, when I was choosing bags in the pasar malam store, I had an eye on a brown bag with a printed circular logo at the side. It looked big and roomy, as well as casual. Big enough to stuff all my files for Bio and Chem. When I indicated that bag, the auntie said (in chinese):
You are a small-sized person, and that bag is too big for your frame.
I couldn't help but feel insulted.
YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SCREEN. STOP SNIGGERING OR I WILL JAM MY USED SANITARY PADS IN YOUR MOUTH.
Anyway, I had my eye on another bag at first (a nice, white leather bag which looked very luxurious and gao ji) but the auntie said it was $25. {My reaction: :O
Thinks to self: Might as well go to Isetan to buy a branded bag during the clearance sale.} I nearly left, but my eye fell on the other bag described above at the start of this post.
So yup, to sum up this lengthy post, I am happy now, I have my english marks and a new bag. The world is rainy today. Literally, I just looked out of the window and the gloomy clouds overhead seem to disagree with my current happy mood.
WRTYNYTRW
Let me tell you..
Friday, October 10, 2008
Let me tell you something odd that happened today.
In a bid to improve my vocabulary, I decided to take a vocab IQ test. It was a 45-question test, with the questions giving two words and asking whether they are synonyms on antonyms of each other.
I did recognise some, but for those I didn't know, I ended up checking the dictionary. I persevered until question 35 before gettting fustrated and just randomly clicked the rest and submitting the test.
It was to my great surprise when I found that I scored around 97%.
I thought, wow, anyhow click also can get 97% correct.
Congratulations, you obtained a very high score. I am researching intelligence
and personality so I would greatly appreciate if you would use the comment form
below to answer the following questions.
What was your childhood IQ measured at?
SAT score?
GRE score?
What is your career or what career do you plan on pursuing?
How has your intelligence affected your life?
Did you have any problems with any of the questions on this test, was it challenging, easy?
Include your email if you are open to possibly getting some follow up questions from me (your email will be kept private). If you would rather think about the questions and answer later, submit your answers via the contact link.
Your overall percentile is 97% which means you scored higher than 97% of the people who have taken this test. The internet population tends to be more intelligent so your percentile might be higher if the test taking sample was perfectly random. Keep in mind, taking this test more than once will render your percentile score inaccurate
because the percentile scoring assumes these questions were fresh to the test
taker.The point of this test is to challenge you and show you how you compare to
other test takers on a set of novel questions. Consequently, the answers need to
be kept secret to protect the integrity of the test.
Siao.
Just got really lucky lorh.
WRTYNYTRW
List of undeveloped ideas
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Well, since it's the end of exams (correction - tomrrow is but it's ACC so who gives a damn?) I might as well start writing.
I have a list of ideas.
1) Phobia of innocence
Notes:
In vignettes, prose-poetry. Looks at the innocence of children and the seemingly fearless manner of entrusting friendships. Also deals with the fear of having children.2) Consensual rape
Notes: Sounds like an essay title. Focuses on lust and myths in general.P.S. This is a work of fiction. It has SYMBOLISM. Therefore, NEVER ASSUME THAT RAPE IS CONSENSUAL, UNLESS IN BDSM, OR YOU WILL BE SUED BY ME IF I BECOME A LAWYER.3) Voiceless Verility
Notes: Well, if women can be raped, why not men?SEE? I'M NOT BIASED TOWARDS A SEX.4) Nameless attempt to write something happy.
Notes: I'm sure that it will be a failure, but I have to try. I need to experience it first though.
5) Modern sleeping beauty.
Notes: This is getting lame.
Anyway, I was thinking of making the setting modern singapore, with someone downing too much sleeping pills, and doctor kena fined because he's not supposed to anyhow prescribe, and the parents, upon listening to an occult preiest's advice, went to purchase some 'services' *ahem* *waggles eyebrows* for their son. Hey, die happy and in orgasm is a nice way to die! And it's interesting that the 'prince' will be a prostitute!
WRTYNYTRW
thanks.
I realise that sooner or later I have to come to terms with myself.
It started with an aquaintance, who no longer is one. Rather hard to explain on that level.
You think you know me, my dears, but I assure you you don't. You see, I've just been showing you my shell. I don't know what person I've become.
A long time ago I told myself I would surpass her in writing. I believed it impossible. I did what I loved, though, at first through imitating her style, then experimenting.
I did surpass her. I have a wider vocabulary, I have learnt how to look on both sides, I have also developed a sense of neutraility and a way of looking at things.
You see, I know you are somewhere out there, living your tattered and shadowed life. I know you are smiling with that angelic face and twinkling with Death. I also know your wish to be better, someone better, you wishes and hopes and dreams, as well as your loyalty and passion in your work.
I know you, yet I don't know you at all.
It was a purely tolerance-driven partnership. And thank you for being there, thank you for showing me what I forgot I used to have, thank you for givig me bliss I would not have otherwise experienced if I hadn't turned to writing.
You will never see this. We will never meet (again), but if we do, we would hsve forgotten each other. But thank you.
WRTYNYTRW
Guilt
From The author of man-in-the-moon marigolds...
"I found unanswered questions lurking in the depths of the Hundofer's vegetable cart..."
You see, we create worlds with our words. Sometimes it alls eems a superficial part of ourselves, yet when we re-read it, we find much in our works that tell about our character.
The people mill about you, voices rising into a cacophony of sound and
music that rise and fall like an orchestra. Your smile is one of a lone boat
sliding between paddocks of your teeth, a twitch of muscle. I’ve seen your wide,
innocuous smile and your transparent cloudy eyes, I’ve seen you cock your head
in vanilla puzzlement while you imagine encounters with pornographic actors.
Yes, I know about the nights clicking on emotion and intimacy, I know that you
crave something beyond a hug and a kiss, you are a succubus in a convent with
demure skirts and lacy underwear.
Yet I’ve seen you sit upon the hard tile, and
wonder, like most foolish young girls do, about love.
-You cry fears into shower sprays-
Adapted from my latest work written during the exams, [
Cry in the rain - vignettes].Don't bother to understand if you aren't interested in language or the fineart of it. Don't bother to understand me. Just stop. Stop. Don't assume.
You see, I am a pathetic person who wishes with great ambition things which would rain upon me -- the undeserved. I do no work during the exams, heck I never concentrated. I know what is important to me, yet I destroy everything for I cannot resist my love for words. Yes, if guilt were like french fries, I would be the oil seeping beneath the crisp, the trans fat lurking behind every bite, the ridiculously high amounts of sodium and the poisons you ingest. I would be the abominition of fine cooking, the the curse of housewives, I would be the cause of the rising obesity rate and low self-esteem in obese children, which in turn lets them commit suicide or go on mass-murdering sprees. You see, I am the guilty one. So kill me, please, torture me, break me apart, so all I can feel is the pain and forget everything.I am a liar, because I do not wish for these things to happen to me, I am a freeloader, for I just want the results without any hard work, I am the damned, and I am me.Angsty post. Yikes.
Just hope for the best. This thing that wafts like nicotine we call hope. This four letter foul word.
Hope.
It's partially non existent.
WRTYNYTRW
OMG
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Sorry I have to spring the 'kyyyaaa' on you again.
I have two reasons to.
1) IT'S THE LAST FUCKING DAY OF EXAMS TOMORROW! YES! ALLALUIA! KYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAA!
2) 754 pageviews on my deviantart account. *dies, twitching facial mucsles curved into a half-smile* Joy is choking me to death! (And to you, my dear who favourtied MOS, that line might be familiar. Your writing improved. I, however, do not recommend posting up the same deviation on two accounts)
3) [Cry in the rain (vignettes)]
was a success. Ok, I lied. It was a partial success as it seemed to connected. Oh hang on hang on, are vignettes supposed to be connected?
I'm confusing myself and the audience.
4) [and she says, made up] was a success in the first part, but I don't dare to continue it beacuse I have a serious problem. No, not the horrible pernicious problem of writer's block *shivers in fear*. It's worse -- Sequel Sickness. That means that the sequel is disjointed, not only in style, but writing, imagery, metaphors, etc etc.
5)[The Other End Of Mirrors] rocks.
6) CAP next year? HELL YES. I hope I get in.
7) Recession? Let me do my part by contributing to the economy when I go shopping soon (=
8) I'm blogging. Enough said.
WRTYNYTRW
Malaysia vs Singapore
Friday, October 03, 2008
Gah. Can't concentrate on studying history. Especially Chapter 9 of the history textbook.
Whenever I read about the merger I just get so pissed off. I understand that it is indeed a crucial, if unexpected, step to our independence, BUT THANK GOD WE ARE NOT MERGED!
This is not a hate campaign. This is not political in nature. So malaysians, don't be insulted. Free rights, yeah? And all I say is gonna be fact anyway...
Look at malaysia's political system. What a mess! Scandals, sex tapes, corruption, POOR MANAGEMENT (and YES I mean Kota Tinggi. I don't give a flying fuck about camp grounds. If Singapore can keep its grounds CLEAN and FREE OF PESTS so we won't get sick from contaminated food -on a side note if NEA visited they would be appalled by the hygiene practised there, or lack thereof- I don't see why Malaysia cannot).
Your once 5-star hotels are becoming -5 star hotels. At least -5 star hotels in any respectable country. Poor maintenance and pest control just keep making you build one hotel after the other only to have them deteriorate. Yes, I know you have big land, BUT YOU ARE WASTING CONSTRUCTION MATERIALS. DON'T TAKE CEMENT AND SAND FOR GRANTED, GODDAMNIT.
AND WHY DID YOU RAISE TAXES THEN FROM 40% TO 60% THEN, YOU INSUFFERABLE GREEDY PIGS?!
I don't know why, but when I see UMNO my blood just boils.
And what's with the racial discrimination? Last time it was chinese. Now it's Indians?! You are abusing Indians?
Ok, I suppose we can't chastise you for that since the darned women with low esteem housewives are abusing their maids, so yeah.
Really, I shudder to think of Singapore's name and political system, as well as maintainence and other wonderful things the Singapore Government has done if those -takes a deep breath anad deletes insults- Malaysian politicians were responsible for us. I mean, they can't even keep their country in order (just look at the crime rate. And criminals threatening politicians brazenly is a bit rich) then what would happen to
us?
Praise PAP for the libreal move (Opening up Speaker's Corner!)! Praise the PAP (well, they're manipulative indeed, because if they weren't how would they be able to wrangle Singapore from those British hands?) !
WRTYNYTRW
American recession
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
The world financial system is fragiole, Wall street is suffering a loss of 778 points in the stock market, thus dragging down all asian markets (including ours, mind you) and ALL THEY ARE FRIGGING WORRIED ABOUT IS THE NEXT FUCKING ELECTION AND THE DISPLEASURE OF TAXPAYERS WHEN THEY LEARN THAT THEIR MONEY IS BEING USED TO SAVE US?! (Never mind that the industry is not popular).
WTH?!
So selfish! First it was the political debate during the meeting where the Congress tried to come out with a plan to save the world, then when they DO come out with a plan, it's rejected?!
WHAT ARE THOSE LAWMAKERS THINKING?! SINGAPORE WOULD SUFFER DEPRESSED ASSET PRICES AND EXPORT SLUMO! MANY NATIONS DEPENDENT ON US ARE GONNA SUFFER!
Frigging selfish people. So they are under pressure. Well then, get off your butts, do some self-sacrificing, and the world would be grateful to you.
At this rate you're going, America, the world is going to suffer another Great Depression.
And whose fault was that the last time?
WRTYNYTRW
