Can't somebody cry in peace or lick her wounds without the god all fucking up???

Wanted to hide my sobs under loud music and guess what? The stupid, useless hunk of plastic, metal and LED lights decides with its miniscule brain or lack thereof that the time is ripe for it to fuck up. Despite me pressing on the buttons repeatedly, swinging the joystick this way and that, all ths stupid phone could come up with as a punchline was 'Closing applications...'

The stupid memory card slot slipped out. TAMADE!

I scotch taped it and threatened to drop it into the nearby fishpond, a lovely ten metres of flight if it refused to listen to me. Needless to say, apparently phones, having a very clean vocabulary which does not consist of a potpurri of Chinese, Hokkien and Olde English swear words, did not understand the sentiment I was trying to express.

It died on me. IT HAD THE MOTHERFUCKING TEMERITY TO DIE ON ME, A VERY PISSED OFF, CRYING, HORMONAL TEENAGE GIRL WHO NEARLY CRACKED THE SCREEN WITH HER CLENCHED FIST.

Smartphone? Ha! More like Stupid #!#!@%^! phone.

Shit, why on earth did I ever choose to buy this useless hunk of metal and plastic that hangs up suddenly between calls, dies mid-sms, laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaags for all of eternity loading the music page, insisting that 'memory full. Please close some applications' and consumes electricity like an African man at a all-you-can-eat buffet?

USELESS. ALL IS USELESS.

Then I thought my ipod would be in perfect working order since I hadn't touched it since Monday, but NOOOOO. It had low batt as well, probably because my wallet was digging into the play button, activating it. I had either forgotten to turn on the 'switch off keypad use' little clicky thing, or God is trying to be funny and fuck around with his human playtoy.

Yes, I don't believe in God, but heck it's good to always have an invisible force to be the scapegoat. SCREW YOU YOU INVISIBLE SO CALLED OMNIPOTENT AND OMNIBENEVOLENT EXCUSE OF VACCUM UP THERE, I HOPE ONE DAY YOUR DELUSIONS WILL SEND YOU TOPPLING FROM YOUR THRONE AND THAT MAYBE YOUR POWERS WILL FAIL THAT VERY DAY, YOU'LL LAND VERY PAINFULLY IN CAMBODIA WHERE THE LANDMINES ARE AND DIE.

Anyway, when to my rage I couldn't turn the ipod on, I spent a good 15 minutes looking for the motherfucking USB cable, half-blinded by my tears, now slowly turning into exasperation and fury. Slammed doors, cupboards, and hugged my frustration into my doggy plushie (which didn't help). When I finally found it in a shopping bag by the side of my desk, I think I howled with rage, then forced the cable in. When one is in anger, one has no patience to figure out which end should be correctly plugged in. One needs immediate gratification.

Much like sex, I suppose.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT PISSED ME OFF IN THE FIRST PLACE?

On the bus I realised that the statement, "Writers are megalomaniacs with low self-esteem" is true.

Now let me tell you a story about a sparrow and a crow.

Shaken from her comfortable perch of confidence an enjoyment of her craft by a most hideous upstart crow, coming cawing into Singapore and driving all the resident birds out. Flying higher above the others, as if challenging them, as if all that matters is winning and winning alone.

Now, long ago there is a sparrow, though small in stature, very loud in chirruping and her passion for flight. She flew high above the others, particularly in English lands, and was constantly assured that she had talent. She was treasured. She had spent years perfecting the flight, sweat, blood and tears all contributing to the somewhat-success she now enjoys.

Now this upstart crow wanders into her territory, and nevertheless, miss sparrow wasn't amused. Within a span of two months the upstart crow and his noxious accent and cawing had flown higher than the others in her pack, he was just below her. Previously, this upstart crow monopolised Chinese lands and flew perfect mathematics-rounded curves and used science to propel him further. She didn't mind...until the crow began to nudge into her land, climbing up, slowly and steadily.

Six years. Six years of sweat, blood and tears, now dissipating into nothing by a young upstart crow who had, within two months, done what she struggled to in 3 years. She felt trapped. She wanted out.

This upstart crow wanted war. He will get war.

-----

I absolutely DESPISE people who just get ahead because they have to, and not because they love the subject or language.

Think about it. It's not wrong to want to establish yourself, but know your place. Don't do things that might mislead others into thinking you passionately invested in a subject, when all you want to do is beat the rest. There is somebody who spend and devoted all her time to growing and maturing and accepting parinful criticism. What about you? You, a stranger to the field of expertise, want to challenge someone more experienced? You, who want ot override this person, this person who loves the subject to bits, just becaus eyou want ot be the best?

Screw you. Go back to whence you come from. I hope you remain throughout your life alone, miserable and surrounded by material wealth and academic accomplishments, with a successful career but finding no joy in life. I hope you become one of those people whose words reflect those of a poet but whose hearts are empty. The type of person I absolutely DESPISE. Nobody wants you here, jutting into our lives. Competition is one thing but doing it just to spite someone or 'be the best', for the sole purpose of elevating your ego and depriving someone who is truly passionate about the subject opportunities is DESPICABLE.

I would rather converse with a primary one student who loves my subject rather than spend one minute in your insufferable presence.

I think people from my class will know what or who or whatever situation I am talking about, aye?

No, if you are reading this and think it's directed at you, don't. Because sometimes we humans are suspicious creatures who assume too much and overguess from an overly emotional blog post. Yes I am mean-spirited and bitchy and everything else horrible, an immature bitch who cannot handle failure. So what? This is who I am. This may or may not be directed at real life persons, it may be a response to a situation or to a book. Who knows? Only I. You know nothing, and do not make assumptions about my character. I do not entertain questions about this, unless we are closely acquainted.

If you think I have no reason to be pissed, you can go take a jump into the lake or spend two years with crows by your side. Annoying creatures who caw and ruin your otherwise perfect Singaporean streets, eat their own shit (saw a crow doing that in the backyard the other day, I know not what to say), splattering everywhere, spreading diseases and germs and polluting our pristine skylines. PESTS that deserve to be shot.