I hate Chinese with a passion.

The deadline for online submission is on Thursday and I just can't bring myself to listen to News In Class and do the kou shi stuff. It's an ingrained reaction in me that whenever I see a block of chinese text, my brain is going on permanent hibernation mode and won't return unless I manage to sneak Jane Eyre under the table, or scribble inanely bad poetry on the margins.

Do you think writer's block is an excuse for laziness or a true inspirationblock?

If the apocalypse is coming I hope that the satellites can record every single moment. It might be a sort of history-making moment for future generations of humanoids whose creation is questionable. The view must be pretty nice up there, with cyclones, hurricanes and great floods (fires too) doing their jobs and extinguishing life. Then one by one on the other side of the Earth away from the sun streetlights would sweep close like a child's eyelids in anticipation of sleep. The world is sleeping. The world is dying.

Maybe in the new world abiogenesis might be the key word in Science textbooks.

Or perhaps there would be such great scientific advancements that scientists have found planets whose composition is very close to Earth's and everyone can board these huge, silver rockets and embark on a journey of lightyears to the New World. Then poor folk whose economies are still struggling, like Africa, will be unable to purchase that lifesaving seat on the rocket and hence will be left behind to deal with our shit while we have to start all over again on another planet like cavemen. Then industrialisation, government, and the whole process will repeat itself all over again until we've destroyed nearly the entire planet before we realise we're well and truly screwed.

If the apocalypse comes

Never mind. This train of thought is too depressing.

I have decided, since life is so short and precious, why bother living up to others' expectations? These people can go screw themselves, bitter, nitpicky people with no lives and no strength in themselves to pursue their own goals. Hence they set their expectations on others. Why shall I fulfill your dreams? Why shall I believe in religion if I don't / haven't experienced these miracles?(if you have, good for you since God has touched your life, be blessed and happy, if you haven't, why wait around? Just move on!) Why must I bend over myself to be whoever you want me to be? I'm not saying this as a teenager: I'm saying this because there are many people in the world who are continually being dissatisfied with themselves and comparing themselves to others. There are people who go, "Why aren't I skinny enough? Am I not good enough? I have to be better, I must be better and show ____!" It's entirely obvious and people say teenagers are angsty. I do not pretend I know everything in this world, but from what I already see and in my naive, immature eyes (for in immaturity lies a sort of innocence always praised in books), the world is pretty twisted and there's nothing we can do but try our best to survive.

Here is my new year resolution in advance: I will be who I want to be, and I will strive towards my own goals without being moved by the pressures of others. I will remember my humble beginnings and will not scoff at people with poor spelling/grammar, however tempted I am to insult them, laugh at them or even tell them things like "learn to spell!" because they are trying their best. Exceptions are made for those who are contented to make mistakes over and over, or when I am in a foul enough mood with a sharp weapon nearby (because insults in head is better than carving it in blood).

On the bright side, I did manage to fulfill one of my new year resolutions last year. I think it is be nice...or wait, that's not it. The iron rule is 'Be nice to everybody...except to people who do not deserve it." Or something along those lines.

Ooo next year is O levels year...I can't wait for the afters! Finally free from Chinese and A Math! My lighter is quivering in anticipation of devouring the textbooks and adding to global warming...well just a little won't hurt. I mean religions have been burning loads of paper money, candle wicks, incense (the spa kind and others), cigarettes and offerings, so how can a textbook hurt? Before someone attacks me on my religious insensitivity, or how this is not funny, I am simply recording down my observations and thoughts. Even if free speech does not belong in this country.

One more thing to note: I am very accomplished at identifying a specific noxious gas, none other than ammonia. That is the one useful educational aspect about rebonding. I can now identify it anywhere, after inhaling the fumes and feeling my eyes water and sting. So girls, if you want to go for hair rebonding and your parents say it's a waste of cash, tell them that you're going for real-life Chemistry practical on identifying gases. It's a very important chapter. *nods gravely*

Despite it being my third time I never fail to be amazed at the smoke/steam off my hair after the flat iron is place on it. It reminds me of bee hoon...dark bee hoon steaming in clear water. I bet I have chased away your appetite with an iron frying wok after all that talk about ammonia, bee hoon and hair. Can you imagine eating a plate of bee hoon, the heat grazing your face, then you smell a huge burst of ammonia making your eyes water and your lungs scream and the wonderful, appetizing meal becomes a mass of dark hair? If you weren't grossed out before, I think you are now, especially if you have a very hyperactive imagination.

Strawberry seeds taste like strawberry. Not exactly, maybe a more earthly flavour...can anyone imagine eating seedless straeberries? The skin would be smooth and red, but would a strawberry still be a strawberry without the seeds on the surface? How would it taste like?

I wonder how strawberry porridge will taste like. In France (I read this somewhere a long time a ago) it is customary for the wedded couple to eat porridge made of a deluge of things, including strawberry because it is the fruit of love, due to its heart like shape. Maybe the people then haven't eaten Korean strawberries before, because however I squint (my eyesight is deplorable), it looks phallic and tubular, not heart-shaped, to me. I had my doubts eating it at first but I never regretted my decision. American strawberries (and really, strawberries from New Zealand and Egypt, I won't say the world because I've only eaten strawberries form these coountries) all have heart-shaped strawberries though.

Maybe it will taste nothing like the fruit. My mum once made apple soup (clear soup and boiled apples, the kind you buy from Fairprice), and it tasted weird, all sweet and distinctly herbal. I'm not a fan of herbal soups, so I poked at it dubiously with my fork. Same thing with papaya soup and watermelon skin (yeah, the red watermelon you eat. The normal ones). I don't know where my mother gets these ideas for soups -- I probably sound ungrateful here, but it's true. I had the runs and suffered through it at the unearthly hour of 2 a.m. in the morning but she claims it's detoxifying. I doubt that, because if that were to cause such a powerful digestive reaction, it has to be toxic. I'm blaming the strange watermelon skin soup I had for dinner, and not the french fries at Macdonald's the week before.

So far, traditional medicine hasn't helpe me in any way. The insomnia soup my mum makes me drink (otherwise known as the papaya soup) only made it worse. I found that not doing anything to mess my body up was most effective. Actually, anything TCM that tries to deal with my insomia doesn't work. I don't dare to try malay or indian ones because I can't read the ingredients and at least if it's chinese I know what I am ingesting. It's all about control.

Tired now from non-stop blabbering...tomorrow I must force myself to watch the chinese news programme even if I die from boredom or I can't make out the words! Goddarnit why can't they print out News In Class like they did for English? It would make my learning Chiense easier!

I'm a 'higher' chiense student hating chiense and failing chinese. Bah. Goes to show how 'elite' we are. All this categorisation.