I've somehow developed a yeast infection - and again, after extensive research, Google told me to go get yogurt with the acidolphus (or sth like that) culture in it. Unfortunately, said yogurt must have no additives or fruit. It'll help, it said, and eager to get rid of my embarassing condition, I rushed out enthusiastically to buy some.

Now I am a yogurt lover. By 'yogurt lover' I mean I love those sugary, high-glucose commercial yogurt, and I love chomping on it pretending I have made a healthier choice when I am consuming approximately the same amount of sugar. Throughout m whole pamopered, junk-food life I have never tasted natural yogurt, but I hoped to all gods that might be it would taste passable. Passble meaning I don't feel the need to puke after ingesting 1cm^3 of that substance.

I stared dubiously at the exceedingly plain container and the label. Cautiously, I peeled back the horrible tin foil, ducked a metal teaspoon in the surprisingly firm thing (kinda like tofu) and stuffed it in my mouth.

Hm. Weird. It's solid.

Stupidly, I chewed it, and I suppose my facial expression then would be a great representative of YUK!

Gagworthy. I swallowed the vile substane down and peered at the container...only to discover I had only eaten a very, very tiny bit. Oh shit, how am I gonna eat everything?

Just tried mixing a small spoonful of it with about a tablespoonbful of honey. It was okay at first, but then there was this horrible, horrible herbal taste to it, on top of being sour. Wonderful -- it tasted considerably WORSE than my mother's repetorie of herbal soups. YUK YUK YUK.

So right now I hate yogurt and honey.I definitely won't be eating any anytime soon.

I suppose I can always try mixing it with jam or bananas to create some sort of wonky smoothie. After all, I am a master at choking vile liquids down my throat-- a skill derived from many years living under an over enthusiastic mum who works at Eu Yan Sang. But I couldn't stand the thought of hating bananas forever. Bananas rock, especially as a great breakfast when I'm in a rush and on a diet.

A website jsut recommended that I spread some on apples, but I can't hate apples forever! It will ruin my LIFE! Spreading them on biscuits is also a terrible terrible idea because it's my favourite snack food! Mixing it with chocolate...yuck, sour chocolate?

Yes, Wei Qi, you and I can wince in unison.

Conclusion: Natural yogurt is sibeh gross. Anything natural is gross. Like Kota Tinggi's decrepit bathrooms and the beloved fly carpet, and cockroaches scuttling about in a kampong, and natural bananas, pre-GM. (Did you know that wild banas are not yellow and must be cooked before being eaten? Did you know that it's most often not sweet? Did you know it has hugeass seeds in it?)

Unnatural stuff is nice, like air conditioners, laptops, spectacles, contact lens, CHOCOLATE, COFFEE, pocky, etc, etc. Fuck natural yogurt, I want my calorie-laden, sugar filled, preserves loaded yogurt that is fake yogurt and even if I die from diabetes or high blood pressure or artiosclerosis, I don't care!

Sugar is nice. Om nom nom.

P.S. I jsut discovered that that henious container of yogurt has 100 more calories than a box of chocolate pocky! Hence, pocky is healthier than yogurt and therefore thou shalt eat more pocky! YAY!