I could see a black streak of something mobile whirring around happily from my peripheral vision as I surfed the net.
Annoyed, I tried to kill it because it was
pissing me off (yes, very yakuza like, not like a lady at all) but the fucking cretin just darted out of my smacking hands.
Whatever, I thought. As long as it buggered off (weak pun intended) and kept out of my way, I am perfectly happy to let it live its miserable existence knowing it'll perish due to insecticide or my demonic, sadistic alter-ego who kills bugs for fun.
Bored, I turned my attention to my phone, and was about to open the inbox when I noticed something unsightly sitting on my royal highness' perfectly tan, caramel arm (ahh... I
do do a good Stephenie Meyer). Well, I supposed it can't be helped, since my blood is so delicous smelling and attractive (the product of eating too many sweets today). What now, Bella? I might just steal your sparkypire and tell him to be a real vampire!
What did I do?
Well, my royal Highness howled in rage and whipped out a weapon emlazoned with so much frills and lace, Sailor Moon would drool at it and oblierated the creature from this face of earth.
Unfortunately the above paragraph is a product of my imagination.
Okay, what I did was that I took opportunity of the situation. The little fucker was so engrossed in sticking her stylet into my perfectly untainted, virgin skin, penetrating me and taking her fill of me she didn't notice my
ru lai shen zhang descending to smack it to a squashed death.
I imagine this is what must've gone through the bugger's mind:
Mozzie: Oh, yum yum, delicious blood. I want to drink. *Starts stinking in stuff that doesn't belong to my body* Hang on...there's a shadow. Oh never mind, it's nothing, since humans are such fidgety creatures...now where was I? Oh yeah, the blood... Here I come, baby! OUCH! ZZZ! My poor guts are squeezed out and I'm dead so maybe I should shut up now...
Okay, maybe I am assuming that mosquitoes have intelligence. However, IF a mosquite speaks English, I bet the last thing that went through its mind was....
Must. Drink. Blood. Unfortunately for the poor mosquito, her thought process was interrupted by a resounding smack.
Upon closer examination of the corpse in my hand, I noticed some black stuff on my arm and hand. Do mosquitoes gather dust or something? But that's not the point. The point was that this irritating bugger had white spots on its legs!
If I had not smacked it to death, I would be the one down with dengue fever.
Grr. First she wants to claim my blood, now she wants to make me sick? Why, the ungrateful little bastard! I gave it sustenance to survive, and this is how it repays me?!
Well sucks for you, because you are somewhere in Singapore's waste water system, being filtered. Ha! I hope you are reborn in hell where all the demons there will smack you and kill you thousands of times in a day, and you have to be reborn again...and again...and again reliving your death!
RAWR! I hope all mosquitoes drop dead!
