Sorry, I need to vent and it's been a while since I wrote those 'angry letters'.

Dear Sir,

Please save us the crap and st op making yourself out to be of a noble figure with the use of magniloquent and unctuous speech. The hypocrisy and hubris which you seem to be replete in is gagging.

Firstly, do not tell others to perform feats which you obviously are incapable of. Or rather, abstain from certain things. For example, I believe badgering others not to switch on their air-conditioning to 20 degree Celsius because it is 'wasting the earth's resources' is completely and utterly null, considering that, if I do recall correctly, you yourself have air-conditioning switched on to 18 degree Celsius, and complain that it isn't cool enough. If you have issues with my preference of temperature AND my methods of keeping cool while sleeping without air conditioning (of which is to dress scantily/remove the blankets), I suggest you bring it right up to me instead of cloaking yourself under the guise of being knowledgeable and seemingly possessing virtues (which you so unfortunately lack). Your prerogative as a parent would be to portray yourself as a good example, and I strongly believe that as a businessman, ethics are of utmost importance, and hypocrisy or lying blatantly is not one of them.

If you realise that your offspring is suddenly venturing from the crystal birdcage which you embellish and cushion for them to a world completely and utterly beyond your control, instead of being a narrow minded bigot (which is yet another obscenely big parenting mistake almost all parents seem to make) and setting up a 'hostile' filter to completely reject that world and shape your child to your ideals, instead of a human, I suggest getting Plasticine to while your time away and shape to your desire. It is discouraged that you try to forcefully implement your will upon them, not only will it backfire badly and burn your derriere, it will cause him/her to lose all trust and respect he/she harboured for you initially. After all, improvement and advancement are indeed necessary and cannot be stalled or curbed. If one were to restrain your child to the way you were brought up (old-fashioned teaching methods, unresearched way of memorising things, scorning your teen's choice due to 'naivete'), it is equivalent to escorting your child to a nice cliff and kicking him off to impale him/herself onto the sharp rocks beneath. A very messy death. Your child will not be able to learn by his/herself AT ALL.

You see now that this is why teens make an informed choice to stay away from parents and confide in friends, for parents have a superiority complex and are patronizing. No effort at all is made to understand or study the psychology behind the actions, and all actions are merely classified into monochrome filters of black and white, black being malignant or 'stupid' problems, white being accepted and generally pleasing actions. Friends, however, will always be an equal and treat you like one, so even if their solutions tend to make things worse, they'll be at your side somehow.

While innocence are often a bane, it helps to cushion any blows and prevent us from being psychologically harmed for facing things before we are emotionally prepared to. If you look at the psychological disorders, most of them begin at a young age or adolescent age, a volatile period. So if you expect your child to be a cynical, bitter widow who no longer sees the joy of Christmas or the purity of childhood, you are doing a great disservice to your child, and possibly committing him/her to a mental hospital.

Finally, let me touch on expectations. All I have to say is that if you expect a perfect child -innocent, happy, and academically good, I suggest you stop your search, find a hard, blunt object (preferably something heavy) and swing it at your head. If you get a concussion/a blood clot in the brain and proceed to die, congratulations, in Heaven you'll see Jesus -- the epitome of perfection, forgiveness and greatness. However, before you open your gargantuan mouth and ask why your little kid isn't happy or innocent anymore, let me tell you this: I was changed, had been changing but you didn't notice it. Henceforth, I would like you to purchase a very big mirror and jeer at your reflection.

------------------------------------DON'T READ, MY REFLECTION.-------------------------------------------------------

I am cynical...because you didn't notice when I was in my own dark depression.
I am bitter...because I have lost all faith and trust in humanity, including you.
I am corrupted...because of this world and how you prove the ills of this world in your lies and hypocrisy, the distractions and feel-good praise, the one-sided affection and the qualities which I, being intelligent and cognizant of how to characterise people, have realised that there was no one I can trust and so drown in my own hell.
I don't believe...because God was never there to help me when I was imploring and crying.
I am silent...because of you and your expectations, and no matter what I say, unless it's what you want to hear, you won't listen.
I am 'dark'...because the light has never touched me, because I feel that I am unable to love, because I feel empty at times and I can't fill it up, because I feel that I can't trust anyone with my soul, because of the fake smile I am now so good at pasting on, and because I've basically accepted that I can never go back to being just a normal kid.
I face the computer more than I face you...because I am still trying to confront myself and find my true self, which is buried somewhere with the layers of appearances like stacks of unsorted newspapers, and I can only do so while I write with my Muse, my silent voice, my symbols and thoughts.
I write...because it's the only outlet where I can confess and be true to myself.
I am my own paradox...because I don't know who I am and who I created, for I made myself untouchable and yet crave the human touch.
And I talk to friends more...because it's pathetic really to see how little you understand about me, and how you can't engage me in conversation and yet expect me to entertain myself and not ask for your attention, because you are a puzzle I can't figure out, a sequence without a cessation.
I wait for the apocalypse...because I want to see the end to everything, taste terror sprouts in my mouth and cause you as much pain yet comfort you.
I hate myself...for descending into self-pity and wishing for comfort, for wanting perfection, for the sleepless nights, for the alter egos faceless and unwritten, for those incomplete stories I wrote of these people and for my lost innocence and cynicism, as well as my fear of trusting people.
I am on dawning insanity...because of myself, and my greatest enemy is myself and the world.
I don't know why I write this, whether I'm searching for pity or attention. It's probably an affirmation and a reflection of my psyche, a diary of my descension to heaven.

You see, now I've figured it out. I am neither a demon nor an angel, I am not a vampire or a zombie, I am the fallen, a fallen angel from my innocence to someone hovering on the fringes of goodness and evil. And insanity is the price I pay for falling from heaven. I can't go to either, I'm in limbo, constantly wanting a connection to the past yet being too far removed. This is not the pretentious fantasies I indulge in when I was younger, I really think I am one.

Don't come near me, I might drag you to hell.

Please stay near me, I am lonely and I want to give you the best I can.

Which side would you accept? No one will completely accept a monstrosity like me.