I am really scared that I cabnnot get itno my preferred course. 8lit. The best friggin' stream ever. Though I suppose now History is not an option because of my dismal marks. That's too bad really, because I love History and watching how things unravel.

Guess now I really have to consider Elective Geography as an option. Sigh...so much for my motivation to do really well for it and kick it aside forever. I wasn't lying when I said I did not feel anything for the subject.

I still dom't understand why the triple sciences stream is so popular. I mean, most people go there because it's the best stream. I don't see the point of studying a subject you loathe for two years and consider a future with it. I don't see the point of going to a class because of 'face'. 'Face' is useless in your future.

I learnt that as a bitter lesson after PSLE, when I found that I missed the cut-off point for Dunman High by a few measly points. I had to appeal to CCHMS, much to the aggravation of my (then) friends and classmates who must've thought I was a proud, sarcastic, Beatrice-like person with a stick up her arse. (Admit it. Not in the morning though, I will not be held responsible for foul moods in the morning and anything which may occur.) I suppose, in a strange way it had turned out well, (though getting into a school which focuses too much on CHINESE (ARRGGHHH) was complete and utter HELL and unexpected) for I would not have met all these lovely people in HM and still be a loner by myself, probably clawing at my own hell and considering suicide.

Going to a school because of pride is ridiculous. Imagine what would have happened if I held my head high and appealed to DHS. Yes, I am among the smart(er) [Sorry people from CCHMS who are reading this, don't kill me yet, I want to get my Lit before I die] but I wouldn't be happy at all. I wouldn't be able to develop my talents, I wouldn't be able to sieve out what was important. I would just be another wallflower pushed to the side.

I'll admit it - I didn't try my best for the SA2. I know I'll regret it (yes I did and I'm still mourning my History and Math and Science) but I just didn't. I felt complacent and lazy. However, I wanted to score the best I could because I wanted to show people that I came to the stream because I wanted to, and not because of my marks. I came to follow my passions, not my results. Yes, I suppose, ultimately, I end up following my heart, because the heart is the most honest and true place we dwell in. Even if I am at a disadvantage to others because of dropping a science subject, what matters is thta I am happy. It's useless if you go out flaunting a degree from Cambridge after socially alienating yourself to study, for though your achievement may bring you pride, it won't win you joy or bliss you get from doing work you like. Life would be a chore instead of an activity. Thanks, but no thanks, considering the recession and economic woes, I'd rather be in the middles class and happy than rich and grouchy because of the loss of my ferrari and my Jimmy Choos.

This marks a link to the world of my thoughts. We descend into eventual insanity. I believe I will one day go insane, and the world will end and the sky will some crashing down on us, shattering our lungs and organs into clouds of tissue and cells, our death gasps hooks which tug at the vacuum in space. Someday survivors would find millions of corpses floating in space, and maybe this entry, along with a million others. They'll think of days spent with elctricity and condominiums, they'll think of bright and bustling cities of colours.