...Of spending on a CD.

I finally bought Ayumi's album, GUILTY. I admit it wasn't as good as I thought.

Well, the first few songs were happily OK and original (as in no mentions of love at all, yay).

Then...all of a sudden...glitter came up.

"Yes! Believe in love!"

Excuse me? Did I hear correctly? I nearly barfed up my lunch.

I liked hte melody, but I found the lyrics too typical to other act-cute artists. The reason why I support Ayumi is because of her original lyrics (she pens them herself) and because of the good impression I formed when I listened to a few tracks from her previous album, Secret. (It's nice and dark.)

But suddenly I'm bombarded by this, asking me to believe in love.

*incredulous look*

I hope Ayumi's next album would be better.

Can't believe there's so many love songs out there...I mean, there's only so many ways you can sing your devotion/lust/heartbreak/hope/perversions to the world.

Well, I deleted the other post I made yesterday because it reflects badly on my reputation. Can't wait till I'm 21. Lawsuits will fly.

Finished 'Complication', revised it with dear HT (WHERE ARE YOU YXY WHEN I NEED YOU THE MOST? ROAR!), and went on to happily discuss the symbols and concepts. Dunno about my use of diction and symbols, hope it was good enough. That's why I'm desperate for comments! Faves!

WHERE ARE MY FANS WHEN I NEED THEM?!

(Ok, on second thought, not really 'fans' , more like 'watchers'--the term we use on deviantart.)

I felt, for some odd reason, that 'Complication' was, by so far, the MOST MEANINGFUL PIECE I've ever done. *tears glimmer in eyes*

I gave God and the world a face, and made them seperate entities. I showed a bit of myself in there, and the message and emotions were subtle.

My masterpiece in prose...

T.T

YES! OOLALA! I'M CURED OF WRITER'S BLOCK!

HOORAY!!!!

Ok, while the idea wasn't exactly original (complication), but I tried to use my old style in writing.

I'm done, which means I need....

PROOFREADERS.

*Eyes gleam eerily, and friends decide to run before the demon chains them and forces them to read*

Any volunteers, before I get you myself?

Lalala I've written something~

Still got the stupid geog write-up.

Darn.

I swear Kota Tinggi is WAAAYY densely populated with flies. They even have breeds. Flies with shiny blue bodies, flies with red eyes, flies bigger than a 50-cent coin, flies the colour of crap, flies with dusty wings, you name it, we probably have it.

In fact, I estimate the population there would be, on a scale to 100%: 5% miscellaneous bugs unnamed and unidentified, 10% humans, 30% ants, and 75% flies.

Wonderful.

The toilets were better. They had a lovely carpet of flies, some of them failing uselessly about in the water. They were very soft to rapidly crushing slippers of us giants, and upon decomposition, gave off a rather memorable stench.

Coupled with human discharge on the floors of the toilets and ill-disposed sanitary pads, it was indeed a "five star hotel".

Which is why I am NEVER EVER EVER EVER going for camp. I was traumatised by the fly-infeted food, the dirty lake, the stuffy tents and stinking hair. I like being clean, and I can't stand being sticky.

Even if the roons are air-conditioned, I would NEVER EVER GO THERE as it is called a 'camp'.

I FUCKING HATE THEM, I TELL YOU (in reference to camps)!!!!

--------------

Anyway, I had forgotten to do the chinese online test and the deadline is six days ago. CRAP.

And I have to go back to school to get back my Geography Sec 2 textbook and English textbooks, as well as obtain a copy of the English holiday homework.

Double Damn.

If I could take this moment forever
Turn the pages of my mind
To another place and time
We would never say goodbye...


I wish I could never say goodbye as well.

Never say goodbye to lovely clean Singapore, the flower of my heart, the blossom in the snow! The vibrant brushstroke in the dull and monotone painting, the brightest star in the darkest night!

(Ok, that's stretching it too far)

But my point is...

1) I LOATHE CAMP.
2) The problem is excarberated by the fact that it is in kota tinggi.
3) I don't want my first time in Malaysia to suck.

What exactly constitutes as 'forever'? Are we promising a memory etched in eternity or a temporary 'forever', to be forever forgotten once we've laid bare our hearts?

Can we fairly say we will be friends forever? Can one say that one loves another forever?

These meaningless little remarks, scribbled everywhere on girls' notebook paper. We're more emotionally bound, so one minute, for us, can feel like eons.

But as times goes by, the once sharp ink traced on virgin paper will turn into wrinkled, yellowed skin of a crone, and these scars of foreve will remain forever forgotten, an artifact forever into our past.

Sure, people woulkd leap at my throat and say that I'm never in love before, so I wouldn't know what it is like. I don't want to be. What's so nice about it? Pressure, pressure, pressure and more pressure. The first and formost in your priority towards your beau, the second is from your parents who would deem such a relationship at your age inappropriate, the third is from yourself, trying to put in as much effort and love possible, you lose sight of your initial goal in life.

I've been reading romance novels nowadays (to my petrified horror) in order to restore my muse, hoping to wake her through pretty words and artful descriptions. She, however, happens to be taking a trip to Hawaii at the moment, and will not be at my service.

Most of the time, the heroine falls in love with an unlikely suitor (most of the time rich, rugged and inexplicably handsome) and they falll in love, have misunderstandings blah blah blah, and get together in the end. It's a pity that this doesn't happen in life. We create an ideal world for ourselves.

I'm past all that...

I think I'm losing sight of sanity.

As we jogged under the scathing hot late morning sun, beats of perspiration soaking through, conversation and pleasantries ceased to commerce as we focused our attention on the smacking of soles on concrete( which was radiating heat) and our pulse dancing erratically under the skin of our throats. (blood, yay!)


The sun mocked us, tracing its golden road ahead of us, sneering and bursting with obnoxious pride. Hardly suitable for a supposedly amiable and forgiving God, the wonder of the fields, the maker of money!







THE BLOODY SUN IS EVIL. I SWEAR!!! RADIANT BEING!! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY SHADOWY ABODE!!! DON'T YOU DARE SHINE ON ME!

It's rather ironic that we have casualties after every P.E. lesson. Thank whatever gods that be that I am used to climbing stairs at home. Kait Ting and Chin Yee were exhausted/nauseated/weary from the over extertion the DIABOLICAL teacher forced on us (I can't spell his name. Lucky you, Mister.) Maybe I should change the above lines to, O little fucker, why do you annoy us so?

"Temperatures set to climb in May and June."

Bloody hell. It is HELL literally, I suppose, since it's all hot and stuff. God promised not to wipe us out with floods, perhaps this is his cabal to kill us off by using the @$#@!$@! sun. GIMME RAIN! WITH THUNDER! AND COOL, CRYSTAL DROPS KISSING MY FACE!

Chinese was a proverbial fiasco. It was a MIRACLE that I passed. I've never been so happy at passing anything before.

English was bad. Yes, I know I'm lucky to have passed the malicious comprehension paper sent from hell that made almost 60% (or more) of the people in my cohort fail, but then again it was a nightmare.

My scores fell. DRAMATICALLY.

On an average EL comprehension paper I could score about 32-50 and above, and I was spurred on by my confidence gained in a recent test where I managed to score a heartstopping 42/50.

27. TWENTY-SEVEN. I can't believe about 2 people beat me! I CAN'T BELIEVE SHARON GOT 30, AND I LOST TO HER BY THREE MARKS! IN MY FORTE AS WELL!

Just so relieved and tired, devastated, furious, distressed, and my nerves are in a mess.

Hope I do bnetter in my humanities and sciences so that my average would be pulled up, and HOPEFULLY I'll get into the top 10 (which is, consiering the evidence and my bemoaning how hard the exams were, not very likely).

I've grown complacent and arrogant.

I decided not to place a subject title, because I would deviate too much from it.

Today was quite fun (pretty much every other normal day, because I end up at the computer anyway. Damn things tempting me) in terms of bonding with friends, but to be honest, I was quite bored.

Maybe I wasn't so hyper because of the distinct lack of sugar...(chocolate)

Or maybe it's because I have a rather short attention span. I can't stand writing about the same story for more than a day. It's a miracle I came out with 'consuming cooking' (which is, by the way, NOT about recipes) but then again, the beginning and the ending is really disjointed. I couldn't decide which tense I wanted to use, and my intent strayed from the subject at hand.

In other words, I let the story control me. Which is a big no-no in writing.

But then again, what gives the character a solid front? Is it their looks, described to minute detail? Their thinking? The way they talk? How they present their views?

What exactly is a character?

You can't really include all of these variables listed above, it'll be too much of a overkill. Yet, how do you paint a vivid portait of a character in the reader's mind?

I've tried using the way the characters think and act, but all I managed to achieve were two faceless strangers: one a weak, insipid woman cowed and manipulated by her husband, loving him so much that she refuses to do anything about the ill treatment; the other, a manipulative rich chee ko pek who knows a woman's body well.

I don't know how to explain it without giving too much away, but 'cooking' is a symbol. You have to see the definition to understand I guess.

ARGH...

The smells of cooking at WeiQi's house just brought up this question. I was eyeing at the fishballs her mother kindly prepared for us, and then the story I wrote appeared in my mind's eye.

Yes, I do have expensive taste. In reading, the knowledge I gain, the works I do, and the things I use. But what exactly constitutes to expensive? Is it morally expensive or thoughtfully expensive? Is there anything else under the sheen of meaningless numbers and currencies?

The lyrics of a song I loved long ago comes back to haunt me. It is strangely fitting, and familiar, in the way it wraps itself around the situation like a nude-coloured silk gown, flaunting and emphasizing...

...Yet the thing it emphasizes still evades me.

Time dancers whirling past
I gaze into the looking glass...

...Just beyond my grasp is heaven...

I'm degenerating.

I can't write anymore.

Moments ago, long gone;
What is lost can never be found....

Just a quote from one of my poems, 'Insecure".

It even sounds somewhat reluctant and detached, and a little lonely...the meter and flow is halting, which gives it a certain sense of hesitation...

AM I GETTING WORSE AS I GROW?????????

Sorry Muse...

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--------------------------------------

Urgh.

I just have the worst luck in the world. I swear. THE BIMBOS!!!!! THEY ARE EVERWHERE! THEY MANIFEST THE WORLD!!!! OH NOES!!!!111

GAH!

I walk to school, I see the bimbos. I walk home. I see them. To make matters worse, it's The. Same. Bimbos.

Oh God.

One of the hags even screeched in her voice:"OMIGOD! IT'S THAT GIRL!!!" and proceeded to giggle with her sheep.

Wow! What a wonderful observation! It seems that you can distinguish between a male and a female. Con-gratulations! Dufus. Please work on your diphthongs though, I can't hear them!

I hope they don't flatter themselves by thinking I stalk them, because that will seriously damage my reputation. Not to mention the fact that I think they will kill millions of brain cells effectively within 5 minutes in their cursed sphere.

I swear God is just out to get me.

A rip-roaring headache. Just a short little entry I'm gonna make.

So I ask, "Self, why are you studying so hard?"
Self replies, flipping her (dry, chocolate hair) past her shoulder, "I don't know why either, The outsiders stink as much as cat manure left out for a week."

Then I read some more, try to analyse, but it all seems to me as a lucky break. It has slow pacing, and lapses in character.

Maybe it's my head.

I stubbed my toe, and the rest, as they know, is censored.

I vaguely wondered whether the melted sweet was edible, because it looked like a dead cockroach's wings.

Anyway, I forgot a good friend's birthday. AGAIN. Gosh, I really need to remember those dates. I'm bad at names, I'm worse at dates.

I would have forgotten Wei Qi's birthday if not for the reminder on the whiteboard....

Thank God I didn't. Sorry, people whom birthdays I forget! I can't remember any except for my own (especially important for filling in particulars).

Now, if only I can remember where I stored my english literature notes....