While I consider some Singaporeans' English to be below average, I'm sure that most of them do not speak as badly as the video above does. This is egregiously exaggerated and erroneous in every way.

And NO, we do NOT say 'thanks' as 'dance'. Where did your 'th' disappear to? The gutters? The cesspit?

Oh, let's all hail the Taiwanese ostentanious level of English, for their pronunciation is the most accurate, I say we take them as a leading example....NOT.

Don't you DARE criticize our accents when we don't criticize yours. Our accents are part of who we are. At least we are not fallacious despardos who imitate others, completly losing their identity as a result. I say that we are Singaporean and proud of it. We have a stable governemnt, low crime rate, and cultrual unity and harmony. Sadly, I don't think I can say the same for Taiwan, judging from the scandals and corrupt government officials popping out like rabbits during their mating season.

You are mere entertainers who can't even pronounce, let alone SING, an English song without f***ing it up. What's wrong with calling our elders 'uncle' and 'aunty'? That's part of who we are. One common greeting used when asking about another's welfare is 'Ni chi fan le ma?' Can we say that the chinese are greedy just because of this? Of course not.

So please use this awe-inspiring ability called TACT, especially when you are on national television.

You think your command of English is fabulous? Oh PLEASE. I have seen menus badly translated in English, and intruments from Taiwan with grammatically erroneous instruction manuals. It is to the point of abject hilarity. Why, I even keep one of my protractor's wrapping because the instructions at the back crack me up.

Anyway, why do I not see any English books written by Taiwanese authors? I looked in the literature section, and saw the usual: CS Lewis, Robert Frost, William Shakespeare, and the odd multi-lingual novels. Since you claim to possess such wonderful vocabulary, then I CHALLENGE you to write a tezanelle. It is a form of poetry, which is a combination of the villanelle and the terza rima forms. It is a 19-line poem consisting of five interlocking triplets/tercets plus a concluding quatrain in which the first and third lines of the first triplet appear as refrains. The middle line of each triplet is repeated, reappearing as the last line of the succeeding triplet with the exception of the center line of the next-to-the-last stanza which appears in the quatrain. Let's add in a little more challenge: Alliteration! Go on, do it--if you can, that is.

Next time, before you open your mouth, I suggest that you reflect about what you are going to say. The ancient chinese adage is right:祸从口出。Maybe YOU should consider the merits you get from doing things.

Condemned kisses,

CHANEl