To whom it may refer to:

Look at your age. Well, I guess it's too late to grow anything but white hair, beard and viruses in your case, but can you do us all a favour and grow a sense of humour?

Or patience might help. Sometime later in your life, when you're sick, you need to wait for the doctor. And while you're at it, muster some manners.

Instead of demanding things, try asking politely. Lookie there! It actually works! People actually try to humour you a little more if you're Mr/Ms Nice-and-friendly. If you're Mr/Ms. Demanding, chances are, that plate of steaming hot noodle soup ordered might contain other's...bodily excretions from mentionable or unmentionable places.

If you were to treat me "nicely", I would return that kind and benevolent favour...Even if the circumstances puts me in a rather... unfavourable position as you might say, and one were not permitted to voice out one's thoughts, but there's nothing prohibiting me from thinking it, or expressing my displeasure in ways wherein I can exert my control with pleasure. =)

You might find it less taxing on other people's part to hear you shouting all the time. At your speed, you'd better not stop your mouth too fast or your teeth will fly through your cranium. We assure you of our transcendence in hearing and other senses, though we cannot guarantee of the qualities you possess, or seemingly....lack.

If, in any case, you find your resources...inadequate, and it just so happens that it is in my control , instead of overtaking by force, mayhaps you could try negotiation, where the transaction would be beneficial to both parties?

Sir/Madam, should you happen to stumble upon this piece of advice, I suggest you do not be too hasty in getting exacerbated, lest you might crack that plastic mask the cosmetic surgeon so painstakingly worked over for a scanty few hours. Worse, facial oil might gush out like lava from a volcano and stain the designer pieces you're wearing, insulting the good work of the designer. Should you get antagonised to the point of death, I have decided to accept the invitation to your funeral, though I might be a little late. I firmly believe in business before pleasure.

I would like the pleasure of your company, but unfortunately enough, it only gives me displeasure. In afterlife I can only dream of meeting you -- and that is to say, a nightmare.

With that, I would like to give you my heartfelt congratulations on finding someone. They say opposites attract, and it's true! Your One is beautiful, intelligent and cultured. I know you like arithmetic, so I hereby crown you 'Arithmetic Man' -- you add trouble, subtract IQ, divide attention, and multiply ignorance.

Sincerely,
CHANEl