Muse has been very kind to me. O Muse, I, whom you graced with your awesome power of literature and inspiration, are eternally and perpetually grateful to you.

Ahem. Sorry, I've been up to my neck with flowery gestures and dramatic sentences...

Besides, I'm so HAPPY!

Today Xiaoyu came up with a poem El pesto just because I casually mentioned that I had written a poem that has a line in her Personal Message on MSN, and the fact that it's called 'Thief'.

Go check it out, it's really good. I think she outdid my poem T.T

I am NEVER ever gonna give her any ideas or she'll outdo all my topics.

Peering out from peerless eyes,
Clamoring for the six on fate’s dice.
I lie, I cheat, I rob, I weep,
Fighting, killing, for my worth’s keep.

Deceit I hide with precious gems,
Knives I slot in my cloak’s hem.
Hands pushing an unwilling heart,
Participating in this abominable art.

That specter of misery,
Enveloping victory.
Hunger leeches away at my soul,
Anger swallowing my being whole.

Once not but now I am,
From beginning till the end.
Hatred saps away my blood,
Eating away the dam, beware a flood.

Behold, fear me!
For I have come.
Sneaking into the night, oh faithless one,
Nobleman of abominations.

My work is done, my kit is packed,
Darkness veiling my eyes, I turn and check.
My laughter echos darkening the light,
Like a shadow, I slip into the caress of the magpie night.

By Xiaoyu.


Damn her. Okay, I am so going to try and improve my Chinese so I can start writing Chinese poetry! (Which is bull, 'cause you haven't seen the state of my Chinese papers. And I speak Chinese as confidently as I speak Japanese. Which is to say, NO confidence at all, and plenty of stuttering.)

Anyway, I'll make advanced criticism with the poem.

"Peering out from peerless eyes" is weird. Because you're saying your eyes have no equal, and that is according to the dictionary. Unless you mean to say that you spot riches that easily...but it doesn't make sense. Unless she's trying to make a juxtaposition. But it STILL doesn't make sense, because for it to work you have to do it subtly e.g. 'Life is killing me,who knew that something would give me nothing.'

Hmm. Have to clarify.

'My laughter echos darkening the light, ' doesn't make sense, as you mention later that you 'slip into the caress of the magpie night'. Why would there be light at night? Unless you're talking about streetlamps, but when you say 'slip away', the reader gets the image that you are sneaking away from the house. No thief is dumb enough to steal from a lit house, unless they've got a really got strategy up their sleeves. It couldn't be candlelight, cos people in the medieval times blow them out before they go to sleep, not to mention it's a fire hazard.


Anyway, back to me. I've just outdid 'Thief' (MY version, mind you) and it's the longest poem I've ever written! It's 8 stanzas. My normal is 5-6 stanzas. It's called 'Mistress Of Seduction'.

Neopets has a poetry writing contest, but I doubt I'll get accepted, as all I write about are negative topics and contain too much violence/disturbing material/really describes humans. It will taint the poor innocent kids on Neopets *snigger* and I cannot let myself have this honour.

I wish I can post up my deviantart account, but it feels like cheating.I just want to test the grounds out there.